Saudade
by Violet Bliss
Summary: Unhappy with her monotonous and seemingly aimless life, 24 year-old Bella Swan sends a wish up into the universe for more. It answers, leading her back to Forks, for a chance to fulfil the destiny always planned for her. But will the reluctant, handsome and butterscotch-eyed Dr Edward Cullen let her? AU.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. This disclaimer applies to each chapter in this story.**

 **Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. If you find any typos, feel free to point them out so I can fix them.**

* * *

 **Saudade:** /saʊˈdɑːdə/

noun

 _a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia._

* * *

 **Prologue**

Bella Swan let out a low breath as she stared up at the sky. It was almost midnight and the sounds coming from the party she'd abandoned were barely audible over the sound of the wind through the tall trees. She'd stumbled out of the house with her coat and a picnic blanket she'd taken from the hall closet and now rested on top of it, staring up at the moon.

She didn't know why she'd even bothered to go to the party in the first place, but they'd sent out a department wide invitation and at the time it had sounded better than calling in the new year by herself. Now she wished she'd stayed home. She was only twenty-four, she didn't understand how she could feel so empty, so aimless.

It was then, staring up at the sky with tears in her eyes that they started the countdown.

"TEN!"

 _Please don't be another year like this, she pleaded to the universe._

"NINE!"

 _Don't let me stay in a job that I hate with co-workers who can't even remember my name._

"EIGHT!"

 _Help me find a home with people who actually care about me._

"SEVEN!"

 _Give me an opportunity to cook something that isn't ramen for dinner._

"SIX!"

 _Show me where I fit in, where my place in the world is._

"FIVE!"

 _Make sure I have enough time to read again. I miss it._

"FOUR!"

 _Let me have an adventure._

"THREE!"

 _Help me find him. The one I'm meant for, the one who's meant for me. My soulmate._

"TWO!"

 _Let him be kind and clever and passionate. Let him need me in his life as much as I need him in mine._

"ONE!"

 _And, please, let us be together. Forever._

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

She closed her eyes then and tears fell from their corners, making their way into her hair.

She didn't see the star shooting across the sky, taking her wishes with it.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

It was a week into the New Year when the universe began answering Bella's wishes.

It appeared in the form of a phone call from her former biology teacher, a man who was now the principal of Forks High School and it came as a job offer. He was down an English teacher and he was offering her the job before he began advertising it.

"Your father said you haven't been able to get a regular teaching job in the city and I know it's only Forks, but it would be great experience. The staff here remember your work ethic and they'd be very welcoming," he'd told her and she'd thanked him, rather breathlessly, before telling him she'd take the job.

When she finally got off of the phone after discussing paperwork and starting dates and such her heart was no longer hammering in her chest, but felt lighter than it had in months, years even. She smiled into her organised and boring-looking bedroom, a wide grin that almost made her mouth hurt because it had been so long since she'd had a reason to.

She took in a deep breath and picked up her phone again, this time to call her father.

"Dad?" she said with a smile when he answered in his usual gruff voice. "I'm coming home."

* * *

If she had cared at all, she might have been saddened by how easily she was able to pick up and leave her life in Chicago. She'd handed in her two weeks notice to her supervisor, who had nodded and said nothing other than, "Sanitise your phone, desk and chair before you leave."

Her roommates had cared even less than her boss had, telling her that they'd know if she took anything that belonged to them and that she wouldn't be getting her share of the security bond back.

She'd said nothing then, hadn't bothered to argue, but she hadn't left her furniture in her room so they could advertise it as furnished and make more money, instead she'd given it all to the neighbour across the hall, who'd moved there after leaving an abusive ex and who had been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for two months.

She had, however, been saddened to notice that everything she'd accumulated in the past six years of living in Chicago had fit into just six boxes that she'd managed to get into her car with little to no manoeuvring. It was startling to see that even of those belongings, there wasn't much more than the items she'd originally brought with her from Forks to begin with.

It made her glad to be going home, to a place where maybe she would buy plants or even a cat, she finally had the opportunity. She smiled thinking about it and while she wouldn't mind living with Charlie, she would eventually want some independence.

She stood outside of the apartment building she'd lived in, looking up at the worn brick walls and wishing that she could feel something, some sense of loss or regret, but she felt none. If anything, it made her want to leave all of the more. This place hadn't ever felt like home to her.

With a final glance at the window that had belonged to her bedroom, she got in her car, turned the radio onto a station that played nothing but The Beatles and drove away, _Let It Be_ playing softly in the background.

* * *

She grinned widely as she drove past the sign declaring Welcome to Forks and giggled for the first time in years. "Home," she said softly as she drove through the towers of trees. Taking in the hundreds of shades of green of the Pacific North West had never felt so comforting as it did in that moment and she knew that she'd made the right decision.

She felt somewhere in the back of her mind, that all would be set right by her moving home. That there was something in Forks that had been waiting for her.

And right at that moment, across Forks and a little ways into the forest, Alice Cullen sat in her bedroom, a magazine open in her lap with her eyes unfocused as a vision made itself known. She watched it play and grinned before whispering too quietly for anyone but Jasper, who was sitting next to her, to hear. "Finally."


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Charlie Swan wasn't the kind of man to let his emotions rule him and so, more often than not, he made a point of not letting them show. He was a police chief and he couldn't ever let his personal feelings get in the way of his duties, especially in a town so small that he knew almost everyone by name. Because of this, he was often blunt, sarcastic and a little abrupt and as a result, he was awkward around his daughter and more than a little unsure about how to act around her.

When Bella had moved in at seventeen the first three months had driven him mad because he didn't even know how to talk to her and she was his _daughter_ for crying out loud.

But Bella had been much like him, used to being thoughtful and quiet and responsible she hadn't needed him much and while they had always gotten along fine, when he was worried about her or proud of her, he found it more than a little hard to convey.

So when she finally arrived home, in the second-hand car he'd bought her after she'd graduated college and he opened the door to find her grinning up at him, he hadn't hesitated to pull her into a tight hug.

"Hey Dad," she said softly into his flannel shirt.

"Bells," he said in reply, just as softly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, believe me," she said, holding him tighter. Neither one of them let go for several long moments and when she finally pulled away and looked up at him, he was surprised to see a tear had escaped from the corner of her eye.

"You okay?" he said, resting a hand on her shoulder. She smiled and wiped the tear away, nodding.

"I am now."

* * *

She unpacked her belongings later that night after pizza and beer with her father, during which they'd actually talked. She'd told him about the last few months, about feeling aimless and unimportant in such a big city, about how her roommates that were rude, loud and _never_ replaced the toilet paper roll when it was empty. They'd been girls she'd online through college and had seemed like decent human beings until after she'd handed over the security deposit and first weeks' rent. Almost immediately after they'd turned against her, suspicious and put off by her quiet nature, they'd refused her (admittedly) half-hearted attempts at friendship. She'd stayed only because she hadn't wanted to deal with the drama of leaving.

She skimmed over her job because there was little she could say about it, other than the fact that she'd hated it. It was mind-numbing work, sitting on the phone listening to complaints all day, especially when a lot of the time there was little she could do to actually help the people complaining.

Between both her roommates and her job, it had been easy to shut down to everything around her, even her parents who loved and worried about her, she thought sadly. She made a silent promise not to let that happen to her again now that she knew how much it had upset them. She hadn't been fair to them.

Her father listened to everything she said, occasionally asking a question or two but mostly listening, the coffee colored eyes she shared with him resting gently on her face with unconcealed affection.

They'd never done this before, the both of them being quiet, reserved people and while she feared it would be awkward unloading everything on her father, it wasn't. In fact it was the most comfortable she'd ever felt with him. They'd talked on the phone each week while she was away, but until now she hadn't felt quite so at ease talking to him. She'd always been so worried about sharing her problems with others, a bi-product of taking care of her flighty but wonderful mother in her younger years. She didn't know how to let anyone take care of her.

He talked too, after she'd finished. He told her how he'd been worried, that Renee had been calling him almost monthly because she could feel her daughter slipping away. He talked about work and how he'd been spending more time with Harry Clearwater's widow, Sue and the friendship that he admitted while blushing, might actually be going somewhere he hadn't gone since his divorce. And he talked about his divorce to Renee and how, by talking to her on the phone, he realised he'd been romanticising her in his head so long he hadn't allowed time for anyone else to get in.

It was then that Bella looked around and noticed the pictures that had been on the mantle of her mother were gone, replaced with pictures of her smiling awkwardly at prom and her both her high school and college graduations.

They talked until Charlie started yawning and then she pushed him up the stairs while she cleaned up empty cans of beer and pizza boxes. She smiled as she forced her tired body up the stairs and walked into her room. It still felt like hers, more so than any other bedroom she'd ever called her own.

Fairy lights were still strung along the walls tacked with pictures and posters from her late teens and her purple comforter looked warm and inviting, more so then than it ever had. She made quick work of stripping down to just her underwear and climbing into it, not bothering with brushing her teeth or putting on pyjamas.

She fell asleep quickly, with her heart full of hope.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

She met with Mr Banner, the principal of Forks High School, the next day. He was welcoming and kind and showed her that there was little she had to do in terms of prep work, other than brush up on some reading and become more familiar with the curriculum.

He showed her to Mr Berty's former – and her new – classroom.

"I know it isn't much," he said as he indicated to the bare cream walls with a flourish. "But there's not really anything you can't tack up to make the place a bit more cheerful."

"It's perfect," she said, looking at the walls like they were blank canvases and in a way they were but she'd never really had the desire to be as creative as she did then. She could already picture it filled with words and paintings and posters.

They talked more, about where the classes were in their studies and how having a stable teacher again would benefit them greatly. "Well, except for Alice Cullen," he added with a laugh.

"Is she bright?" Bella inquired, curious. She'd been an above average student herself, mainly out of boredom, but she hadn't been perfect.

"The entire family is!" he exclaimed. "Geniuses, all of them, or so I've been told. Alice is likely going to graduate with a perfect GPA and you both might have a few things to teach one another, I know she put Mr Berty in his place at least twice."

"Wow," she breathed, impressed and slightly terrified. She was barely a decade older than some of the youngest students she'd be teaching and she was worried they wouldn't listen to her because of her age.

He must have read the look of apprehension on her face, because he immediately opened his mouth to try to lessen her fears. "Now Bella, you remember how Mr Berty was, he didn't care for any opinion other than his own. Alice challenged him because she thought it was funny, I doubt she'd do that with you because you'd actually _listen_ to her."

His words helped and she smiled gratefully at him in reply.

"You can do this, Bella," he told her gently and she took a deep breath before nodding. He left her to look over the classroom then and she started jotting down notes of things she'd need, grateful that she still had almost all of her final pay check to spend on supplies.

She took one more glance at the bare walls before turning off the lights and leaving, telling herself softly under her breath that she could do it.

She left the school and climbed into her car, not noticing the abnormally pale, slight but beautiful girl standing just inside of the tree line backing the parking lot. The girl who was looking directly at her with a wide smile on her face.

"You can do this, Bella," the girl whispered, before disappearing into the dense forest.

* * *

She spent the weekend pouring page after page over all of the documents Mr Banner had given her, grateful to find that she wasn't going to have much of a problem picking up where Mr Berty and his temporary replacements had left. She speed read through the relevant books to re-familiarise herself and was pleased to find the notes she'd scribbled in the margins as a teenager were still there, albeit slightly faded.

English had always been her favourite subject at school and her appreciation of the topic had been reflected in her near perfect grades. She'd had friends in high school too, ones that had drifted away in the years since but more often than not her teenage self could be seen with her head buried in a book, her mind somewhere far away. Teenage Bella had spent more time at Wuthering Heights, Pemberley and a dozen other places that were decidedly not Forks.

She smiled as she took in the faded pen marks left by her younger self, passages underlined without explanation and occasionally singular words had been circled with a line that led from them where _use this word more_ was written.

She fingered through the pages, knowing that while not all of the students she'd teach would like the books they'd be made to read, some would fall in love with them, just as she had. And that was enough for her.

* * *

Throughout the weekend, she had made a point to set aside time to go through the recipe books she'd purchased second hand while living in Chicago, full of dog eared pages and hand written advice from previous owners. They'd only cost her a dollar here or there and had been the single non-necessity she would allow herself, promising to try them someday.

She cooked something from them each night, and while Friday and Saturdays meals had been nothing special, Sunday's meal – while only a meatloaf – had blown her father away. The meat itself had been good but the sauce that a previous owner had scribbled her or his own additions and substitutions on had been what made it great and she too had enjoyed it. Charlie had had seconds and had even tried for thirds before she'd shooed him away, telling him he could take leftovers for lunch the next day.

She'd grinned as she pretended not to hear her father making his way over to the fridge at midnight for leftovers while she went over her timetable for the next day in her bedroom, wondering how he was going to try to explain the absence of his lunch the next morning.

She'd outright laughed when she'd woken up with a haphazardly written note left on the kitchen table telling her that he'd had to go in early and thanking her for his lunch in advance.

She was still smiling as she left for work.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

She arrived early, setting up her old printer from high school on her desk, as well as a laminator she'd borrowed from reception with a promise to buy new sleeves as soon as she was paid.

Her heart was pounding through the first few bells and she was more than grateful that the home room students that would have been in the class had been moved to others because she knew that if she'd tried to open her mouth to say anyone's name, she'd have stammered her way through the list.

She wrote Miss Swan on the board with a shaky hand and sighed before erasing it and re-writing it only to do it again and it took two more attempts before she was finally content with it.

By the time her classroom began filling up she was calmer, only a little but enough for her to have gotten hold of herself. When all of the seats had filled, she read out everyone's names without stuttering and when she was done, she looked up at their young, expectant faces.

Fourteen year olds had never seemed more terrifying than they did in that moment.

"I know you've had a lot of teacher turnover recently and I know that while it must have sucked, it can't have been any worse than having Mr Berty," a series of laughs eased the tension in her shoulders. "And I know this because he taught me eight years ago and I can say with absolute certainty that you will recover."

"I know English is a subject many of you hate and I hope that somehow I'll be able to change your minds because one of the things I love most in the world is the written word and all of the wonderful things we can do with it. Now, I've been given reports from everyone who's taught you in the time since Mr Berty left but I'd really like to talk about where _you_ think you are."

It took a little while but by the last ten minutes of class, she'd managed to get a better picture of where they were and what they needed from her and while they'd been shy at first, it hadn't taken them long to realise that she wouldn't be mad at them for being honest with her. She smiled softly to herself at the thought that they'd trusted her so readily.

"Before we go everyone, I just wanted you to do me a favour. The walls in here are bare and boring and they kind of freak me out in an asylum sort of way so I was wondering if you'd write down a quote for me. It doesn't have to be from a book, it can be from a song or a movie or a person. Write me your favourite quote so I can print it out and stick it on the wall. It will all be anonymous so no one will know it was you and I think it'll make this place feel a bit more comfortable." They'd stared up at her, some eager and some clearly uncomfortable. "You don't have to; it isn't mandatory or anything but if you do, please try to keep it appropriate."

She'd beamed when almost everyone in the class had gotten up from their seats, pieces of paper left on their tables.

* * *

Her first day at Forks High continued much in that fashion and she worked through both her free period and lunch, much to the amusement of the other teachers, many of whom she knew and who had come by to congratulate her and by the time her last class had rolled around, she'd printed and laminated over half of the quotes she'd been given.

Some had been filled with the kind of anger and suffering that only a teenager knew and others had been full of romance and hope and it filled her heart knowing what great people would be walking out of those halls over the next few years.

By the time her last class rolled around, she was tired but only physically; emotionally, she was happier and more fulfilled than she had been since college.

The seniors slipped into their seats and she smiled warmly at them, taking note of one of them, a girl who looked so far out of place that Bella was surprised she didn't flinch from the shock.

The girl was beautiful, extraordinarily so and her clothes, while not brightly coloured or outrageous were of a kind far superior than those of her peers. She was also incredibly pale in a way that worried Bella, as though she suffered from a vitamin deficiency, the girl's pale skin made hers look almost tan in comparison.

The girl was Alice Cullen, she found out as she called the role, the girl who'd given Mr Berty a hard time and Bella felt a small sense of kinship with the girl who smiled softly at her from her seat in the middle row.

* * *

An hour later, as her class left the room, looking far more at ease than they had when they walked in, Bella walked through their tables collecting the pieces of paper they'd left there.

"Miss Swan?" a soft, musical voice said from beside her. Bella looked up to see Alice Cullen standing by her desk, quote in hand.

"Yes Alice?" Bella replied. She didn't like calling students by their last names, it seemed too impersonal for the job she was doing.

The girl smiled widely as she handed Bella her quote and tilted her head to the side as if she was studying her new teacher. "What's yours?"

"My favourite quote?" Alice nodded.

"I have so many, I've got notebooks filled with them actually," she said, smiling apologetically. She'd filled pages with passages and sentences she loved and while she hadn't done so in a long time, she was happy for the reminder because it had been so long since she'd opened any of them

"What's your favourite one right now? What one do you feel like encapsulates how you're feeling at this exact point in your life?" Bella's eyes widened at her question but she thought about it, biting her lip as the quote slipped its way into her mind.

"I am half agony, half hope," Bella said, almost whispering. Her heart tugged at the thought, because until that very moment, she hadn't realised that she'd been longing for it, for love and now that she was aware it took all of her willpower not to sit down and take several deep breaths.

"Persuasion?" Alice asked, ignoring Bella's obvious shyness.

"It's probably my favourite book in the world," Bella replied, coming out of her shell again. It had been Wuthering Heights during her teens but the incident in Chicago had ruined it for her and she'd fallen to other books in solace and in doing so, Persuasion had captured her heart.

"I've read it once or twice, but I'm more of an Emma girl," her student replied with a wide smile, showing a row of perfect white teeth.

"Meddling in everyone's love life but your own?" Bella teased.

"A Happily Ever After is worth a bit of meddling, wouldn't you think?" Alice winked at her and they both laughed.

Bella left that day with the distinct impression that Alice Cullen was going to be in her life for a lot longer than her senior year of high school.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Bella's first month in Forks passed in a haze of work, home cooked meals and sleep. After the first few weeks, she'd helped her students catch up to where they needed to be and in turn they had helped her fill her classroom walls with all manner of wonderful things. The room was brighter, warmer and she could tell that her students felt good when they walked in and saw everything from a movie poster of _The Dark Knight_ to the fairy lights she'd strung around, casting a soft glow around the room.

She still lived with her father, having decided to settle into her job before finding a house or flat in Forks but that even when she would decide to start looking, that her options were limited.

She didn't mind the living arrangements, however, and neither did her father who had started going on jogs in the early morning when he realised his uniform had started getting tighter in the wake of all of her home cooked meals. She too had put on weight, but it was weight she'd needed and she'd smiled when she started fitting comfortably into some of her old clothes again.

Her favourite part of being home, however, was the spare time and motivation she had to begin reading again. She'd already re-read the majority of her favourites and had begun to make her way through the few books she'd bought when she'd had extra money in college to spend on them. It reignited her passion for words in a way that even teaching could not quite reach. There was something utterly unique about being to lose herself in a book that she'd never quite been able to explain to anyone else.

Being back in Forks was doing wonders for her mind and while she didn't believe in a lot of the hokum Renee spouted about auras and such, she could feel how much lighter her spirit had become.

Her only issue however, was that she was no longer getting the same restful sleep she had been when she'd first come home. She'd only been working for two weeks when the restlessness had started and she'd woken up nearly every morning since then with her sheets twisted around her and her body screaming for more rest. She'd tried sleeping in on the weekends with the same results.

She didn't understand why, none of the problems she'd ever had in Chicago had ever touched her life in Forks but now she was worried that it was slowly seeping in, her subconscious telling her that she still wasn't safe.

She sighed as she left the house that morning, looking up at the dark sky with a sense of dread in her stomach. She knew in her bones that it wasn't going to be her day.

She drove carefully, more carefully than usual, biting her lip because she still hadn't taken her car in to get serviced despite her father's warnings. She silently promised she would book an appointment during her lunch break.

"Here we go," she muttered under her breath as she left the car, determined not to let her fear get the better of her, as it had in the past.

She groaned when she closed the car door, realising that she'd closed it with her cardigan inside. "Damn." She took a deep breath and tugged on it in an attempt to try and free it.

It was approximately one second later that she realised her mistake. She'd misjudged the durability of the fabric of her cardigan and it tore, pulling free of the car door. She'd also pulled _too_ hard and another second later she found herself lying on the damp ground with her left arm beneath her, having tried unsuccessfully to catch herself.

It took three more seconds to realise that she'd broken it.

"I hate Mondays," she whispered as the pain began to register.

She picked herself up from the ground and noticed that there were very few cars in the parking lot yet, but felt herself calm slightly as Alice Cullen pulled into the spot next to Bella's in her sleek black Audi.

Bella moved towards the car and knocked on the driver window. Alice rolled it down, a look of concern on her face. "I've broken my arm, can you drive me to the hospital?"

"Sure! My brother is on right now, I'm sure he'll be able to fix you right up." Alice smiled with sympathy and something else Bella couldn't quite identify.

They were speeding off before she could try to figure out what it was.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

The hospital room was cold and Bella shivered, her cardigan still damp from her fall on the ground. She'd been sitting in the same room for fifteen minutes now, wondering what could possibly be keeping the doctor so long, it was _Forks_ for crying out loud and the only person bad things happened to in Forks was herself.

She'd called Mr Banner while she'd been in the car, explaining what had happened and he'd been kind about giving her a sick day and calling in a substitute. Once again, she found herself grateful for being home, despite the broken arm. She wasn't sure a principal in the city would have been as forgiving or as accommodating.

She shifted uncomfortably on the plastic cover on the bed, wishing she had just opened the stupid car door instead of going to battle with it. Alice had gotten her to the hospital quickly, however. Far too quickly in Bella's opinion but it meant that she'd only had to suffer for ten minutes before the nurse had given her a couple of strong pain killers and had taken her in for an x-ray.

She was waiting on the results now, impatiently, wishing she hadn't told Alice to go back to school because she wouldn't mind the young girl's company now. It was hard to be annoyed with Alice's sunny demeanour around.

She was thinking about how she was going to cook dinner with a stupid cast on when someone finally entered the room. She resisted the urge to grind her teeth, keeping her eyes trained to the ground as she heard soft footsteps approach the radiography lights next to her.

"I'm sorry for the delay, Miss Swan," the doctor said with a voice that almost physically shocked her. It was soft and masculine and unlike anything Bella had ever heard before. "A woman went into early labour this morning."

By then Bella had looked up, but as her eyes met him, she almost wished that she hadn't.

He was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen.

She knew right away that this was the man Alice Cullen had told her was her brother, they had the same angular face and peculiar butterscotch eyes. But that was where the similarity ended.

Dr Cullen had unruly hair that he'd obviously tried to tame but hadn't succeeded and it wasn't black like his sister's, no, it was not quite red and not quite brown, but some sort of bronze between the two, something she'd never seen before. He was tall and appeared almost lanky, like some of the seniors she taught who hadn't quite filled out yet. She knew, somehow though, that underneath the lab coat, button up shirt and slacks, was a muscular body. He also wore glasses, ones with almost square, tortoiseshell frames that probably missed brushing his eye lashes by a millimetre.

The glasses made her look twice, because without them, she was afraid she might have mistaken him for a college student.

"It's Bella," she finally said as she watched him begin gathering supplies for the cast she already detested.

"Dr Cullen," he greeted himself, almost curtly. It made her frown deepen. He hadn't actually turned to look at her yet and it began to irritate her.

"Clean break?" she asked with an airy tone that she did not at all feel.

"Yes, so you won't have to have it set. You've broken your arm before?" he was no longer gathering supplies and instead was organising them on a table that he then wheeled over to her. She felt her heart stutter at his closer proximity. It wasn't until then that she realised that her heart had been pounding. Biting her lip, she chalked it up to whatever pain killers the nurse had given her.

She had been a nicer nurse, one of the ones who obviously hadn't known her in high school. The ones that had made her feel stupid each and every time she'd come in to get stitches or a cast. She knew they thought that she had deliberately gotten into accidents for attention and how they joked that someday she'd die from doing it.

It hadn't been her fault, she'd genuinely tripped, stumbled and had fallen every single time and by the time she'd graduated high school she'd been glad to leave the town that was somehow trying to kill her.

"Right arm, twice. Left leg, once," she explained with heated cheeks.

"Well I'm glad I won't have to give you the lecture on cast maintenance," he said and she might have thought that he'd been teasing her if she hadn't been looking at his face when he said it. It was just as blank as it had been when he walked in, his jaw still as tight. "I'm just waiting on a nurse and then we can get started."

Bella winced at that. "Do you have to wait for a nurse to do it?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

For the first time since he'd entered the room, he looked directly at her, brows drawn together. She had to stifle a gasp at the eye contact, which somehow felt far more intimate than any she'd ever made before that moment. His seriousness gave way to something that looked almost like concern.

"You've heard what they've said about me I'm sure? How they think I'm a dead woman walking?" the questions were rhetorical but she knew from the flash of annoyance in his eyes that he had indeed heard them but he said nothing.

A nurse chose that moment to walk in and Bella would have sighed with relief had she not been so tense. She hated how Forks hospital had the least welcoming and Forks-like staff in the entire town.

The nurse was about the same age as Bella, with pretty hair that she wore in a high ponytail and far too much makeup for her profession and it occurred to Bella right away who she was trying to impress. "Dr Cullen, you needed my help?" the nurse asked, her voice breathy and her smile wide.

"I need your assistance, yes, Miss Howard," Dr Cullen said, his voice colder to the nurse than it had been even to Bella.

"Don't worry, Time Bomb, we'll have you fixed up in no time," she told Bella as she moved to take her place next to Dr Cullen, who had suddenly gone very still.

"What did you just say?" he bit out, each word so cold it was biting.

The nurse stammered as she realised her mistake and Bella suddenly felt ill and very, very cold. "I- I- They all call her that!" she said, all flirtatiousness gone as she tried to defend herself.

"Get out," he ordered, not even needing to raise his voice to emphasis his point.

She tried once again to save herself, "Edward, _please_ ," she pleaded, but the damage had already been done.

"You will refer to me as Doctor Cullen at all times Miss Howard, now get out and bring me Mrs Sampson," he demanded and if Bella had been looking up she might have been frightened by the dark, almost feral look on his face as he stared down the nurse who knew she'd just ruined any chance of bagging the rich young doctor.

The nurse burst into tears as she ran out of the room, Bella knew, because she heard the loud sobbing as she slammed the door behind her.

There was silence in the room for a moment before Doctor Cullen – Edward – spoke and when he did, it was so softly that it had the tears that had been threatening to fall, finally do so.

"Bella," he said and she looked up at him, tears falling down her cheeks. "Mrs Sampson is going to come and help me do your cast and I'm going to go and get you forms so that you can make a formal complaint about the staff here. I'm appalled by their behaviour, especially when you're injured but Beverly Sampson is one of the few nurses here who don't waste time gossiping."

"Thank you," she said softly but sadly.

"Don't thank me," he said, giving her a small smile that hit her in her stomach. "I'm sorry this has happened."

"Between my seventeenth birthday and high school graduation, I was in here about twenty times, so I understand why they think about me the way that I do. It _is_ actually a wonder I haven't died yet, the universe had certainly had its share of trying to kill me," she told him, laughing a little while wiping a tear away with her free arm.

"Don't say that," he told her, almost pleadingly, his butterscotch eyes earnest. "Don't joke about death."

She exhaled shakily and gave him a wiry smile, but moved her gaze down to his polished shoes. "Don't worry Dr Cullen," she told him, "My number's been up for a long time."

If she had been looking, she would have seen the alarm that twisted Edward Cullen's face.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Bella left the hospital in a daze. She'd (with the help of Mrs Sampson and the support of Dr Cullen) submitted a formal complaint about Miss Howard and she had assurances from both of them that they weren't going to let the hospital brush it under the rug. Nurse Sampson had been warm and hadn't bothered to share her opinion of the rest of the Forks Hospital nursing staff.

They'd also put a cast on her arm that she'd asked them to leave plain white, remembering the request Alice had made when she'd dropped Bella off at the hospital only when Dr Cullen had asked what colour she'd like. She had no clue what Alice had planned for the cast but at that moment, when all she'd wanted to do was go home, curl up with a book and maybe cry a little, she didn't really care.

Doctor Cullen had raised an eyebrow when she'd told him this but he hadn't questioned her about it and for that she was grateful, she didn't feel much like explaining why she trusted an eighteen year old girl so implicitly, when teenagers were notoriously mischievous.

He had, however, talked to her in the few minutes that Nurse Sampson was out collecting the papers for her complaint. "Miss Swan," he'd said as he was leaned over her, double checking her cast despite the fact it was the most flawless one she'd ever seen. His voice was soft and he moved back to his seat and initiated eye contact.

"It's Bella, and yes?" she asked, struggling not to buckle under the heavy weight of his gaze. She felt as though he could see straight through her and that was a frightening thought because she wasn't quite sure what he'd find.

"I don't mean to offend you, Bella, but I want to talk to you about your weight," he said, his eyes and voice the softest they'd been since he'd walked through the door.

She looked away then, a blush finding its way across her cheeks. She was almost glad that was the question he'd asked, because her blush could be chalked up to its personal nature and not the fact that she just _really_ liked the way her name fell from his lips.

"I know it isn't what it should be, Dr Cullen and I don't mean to disregard your worry because I know I'm still underweight but I'm working on it, I promise," she told him honestly. "I didn't even mean for it to happen, but I couldn't afford much in Chicago and after a while the thought of ramen made me so sick it was hard to keep down."

She looked back at him, watching his face as his brow furrowed in concern again. "Chicago?" he asked, surprising them both because until then he'd made a point to keep their conversation polite but impersonal.

"I went there for college and stayed after…it wasn't good for me, though. It wasn't good for me at all," she admitted, her body shuddering slightly at the thought. She noticed then the frown on his face and she immediately regretted her words. He might have asked but he certainly didn't want to hear about her sad life.

"I'm sorry, that was probably more information than you wanted," she said, chuckling a little to try and remedy the sudden awkward tension in the room.

"Bella, it's -" he started but was cut off by the door opening, revealing Nurse Sampson holding a pen and complaint forms.

They didn't talk about it again before she left the hospital, meeting her father in the parking lot with a sheepish smile when his eyes met her cast and he slowly shook his head, his mouth twisted into a small smile.

But she thought about it, she thought about Dr Edward Cullen.

She thought about him _a lot._

She wasn't sure why because she'd seen enough attractive people in her life not to be so enraptured by a person's appearance and even though Edward Cullen was by far the most beautiful man she'd ever seen, she knew it wasn't because of his that.

Hell, it wasn't even about him being so cold to her in the beginning or warm to her in the end, it was because of the look he had given her when he'd told her not to joke about death. That look had told her everything she needed to know about Edward Cullen. It was the look that made something deep in her chest ache.

She rubbed at it constantly, desperately trying to make it go away but it was like an itch she couldn't scratch, no matter how hard she tried.

And it didn't go away, not for hours or days, but when it did, it was because she was standing in her meadow, looking at him.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Three weeks passed before Bella saw Dr Edward Cullen again and when she did, it was the last place on Earth that she'd ever expect to see him – or anybody else for that matter.

She'd found the meadow in high school, accidentally. It had been during a time in which she felt as though she were drowning under the pressure of her senior year, of having to decide what to do next, of where to go next and she'd desperately needed to breathe. She'd been walking for hours when she'd stumbled across it, on her way back to her car after wandering aimlessly through the woods, marking her trail on a map half-heartedly.

It had taken her breath away.

Filled with wild flowers and sunlight, it had been everything she'd needed that day. She had stayed there until the last possible second, with her back to the grass and her eyes closed to the warm sunlight filtering in through the clouds. She'd returned almost monthly after that until she'd graduated and left Forks.

It had been her secret garden; her own private sanctum and in that moment, Edward Cullen was sitting in it.

He sat with his knees bent, his arms resting atop them casually but something in the way he held his hands made her feel like it wasn't casual, that something was bothering him. He was impossibly more beautiful sitting in her meadow with his head to the sky, as if willing the sun to come out and shine down upon him and she could not help the small gasp that left her lips when she noticed him.

"Dr Cullen," she said, just loudly enough for him to hear, her voice surprised.

He turned his head, his eyes meeting hers and she immediately noted how tired he looked with his glasses slightly skewed, shirt rumpled, butterscotch eyes and the shadows beneath them far darker than she remembered.

"Miss Swan," he replied, sounding far less surprised than she.

"You're in my meadow." The words left her lips before she could think about them and she immediately wanted to groan. She probably sounded as strange as she was feeling.

"Your meadow?" he questioned, one perfect eyebrow raised and heat filled her cheeks. She dropped her gaze in embarrassment and took a few tentative steps forward.

"I came here in high school," she explained hastily. "It was my secret place, I suppose you could say. The one that made everything feel better."

He tilted his head and his eyes widened just the slightest bit in surprise. "What would you need a secret place for?"

She moved closer to where he sat then, taking off her backpack and setting it on the ground before sitting down herself, a few feet away from him. It wasn't yet warm enough for any of the wildflowers to have bloomed, but the meadow still took her breath away.

"It wasn't as though high school was hard for me, I've always had a lot of trouble talking to people, so it was difficult for me to make friends and with the whole 'time bomb' thing, I found it easier to spend my time with fictional people rather than real ones. I knew how all of the books ended and it was easy that way, knowing that Mr Darcy would never let me down. And this place, well it's something out a novel, something so wonderful it almost doesn't seem _real_ and it helped me just escape it all for a little while."

The words had left her mouth before she'd even had the chance to think about them and she realised sadly that it might have been the first time she'd ever admitted out loud how hard it had been for her in her final year and a half of high school. She'd also noticed that he'd flinched ever so slightly when she'd mentioned the cruel nickname again.

"Was it hard? Living here while going to high school? The monotony of it all made it very hard for me after a while, there are only so many times you can witness teenage angst and be around raging hormones before it becomes unbearable," he said and she almost grinned at the fact that he was talking to her.

"I don't suppose it was hard, I was never _truly_ bullied and my father, while quiet, has always supported me but at the time…At the time it felt as though something was wrong with me, like I had a glitch in my brain or something. It just seemed easier for everyone else I suppose but I think if I asked any of them now they would probably tell me differently."

He quietly contemplated her words and she moved to pull her lunch out of the bag. She had been putting in much more of an effort to regain weight since her hospital visit and she refused to think about why.

It was as she pulled the lid off of the macaroni salad that she realised he didn't have anything with him. No bag or jacket or even appropriate hiking shoes. In fact, it looked as though he'd simply taken off his lab coat, rolled his sleeves up and then walked to the meadow. She hadn't even seen any cars nearby when she'd parked hers near the start of her trail.

Something in the back of her mind told her not to bring it up however, so she didn't and instead she ate a few bites of pasta and enjoyed the sight of her meadow, trying not to ogle the man sitting in it.

"I looked at your file," he said so softly she almost hadn't heard it and her body went stiff. She looked up at him and their eyes met, her heart skipping a beat involuntarily.

"Do you get it now? The name? The jokes?" she asked nonchalantly but felt anything but.

"You nearly died, Bella and nothing could make me condone the name or the jokes," he told her, softly but firmly.

"I should have died," she stated bluntly, putting her lunch down. "And before you say anything, if you read my file, you know it's true, it was a miracle the swelling went down. It was a miracle I woke up."

She thought about the week she'd spent in a coma a few weeks after she'd arrived in Forks, when Tyler Crowley and his van had hit a patch of black ice and then her. She still had the scar from the surgery and she'd had to wear her hair up for a year before enough hair on the patch they'd had to shave had grown back for her to let it down.

"It was a miracle," he replied and the way he said it made her bite her lip. He had spoken with surprise and something that sounded a lot like…awe. It made sense, she decided. He was a doctor and for all intents and purposes her miraculous recovery would be shocking to a lot of people in the medical field. It might have been, anyway, if she had given permission for it to be published.

"Life is full of them I suppose," she shrugged and picked her food back up. They sat in silence while she finished it. She took that time to think about the days after she'd broken her arm, about her students relieved faces when they'd seen her back at school and the stilted, awkward conversations between her and Mrs Cope who had been driving her home each day since, desperately trying to convince Bella to date her unemployed but 'still very handsome' son of thirty-eight. he had two children to two women but Mrs Cope was convinced that Bella would be the woman to sort him out.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her when she'd finished her food. "I'm normally very good at reading people, it helps in my line of work but admittedly I find you very difficult to read."

She smiled at him then. "Mrs Cope is trying to get me to date her son."

He did something then that took her breath away, completely and utterly; he leaned his head back and laughed.

It only took her a second to join in with them and they laughed together for a short while and when her laughter subsided, she grinned as she watched him shake his head at the absurd idea before he turned his attention back to her.

"And what do you think about that?" he asked her with a crooked grin that she was sure matched her wonky smile.

"I think I'd rather wrestle a mountain lion."

* * *

It was later that night, when Bella went over and over in her head about the afternoon they spent together that she realised it was the closest to a real date she'd been on since high school, when Mike Newton had taken her to a restaurant in Port Angeles before prom. A decision they'd both regretted as soon as it became apparent that he wasn't actually interested in anything Bella had to say and she wasn't interested in sleeping with him.

But her afternoon with Edward it had been _wonderful._

He hadn't laughed at her mountain lion comment, instead getting a strange look in his eye that made her wonder what he was thinking about, so she asked him.

"How you're going to tell Shelley Cope no in a way that she'll accept," he'd teased.

She'd groaned at the thought and from there they'd spent the rest of the time equal parts talking and enjoying the beauty of the meadow in silence. She'd shown him her cast, the one Alice had carefully glued pages of a very worn copy of Persuasion onto, over which she'd painted a few, very beautiful and intricate wildflowers before sealing it.

He'd looked at it and smiled a little. "Persuasion?" he'd asked and the hour that followed was filled with debates about classic novels. He hated the Bronte Sisters but liked Austen and she hated Tolkein's writing style but had read all of Anna Karenina.

She'd also learned more about him, about how he'd blitzed through medical school and was therefore (at twenty-five) the youngest doctor they'd ever had on staff in Forks and how his family's history was complicated as almost every member had met in foster care and formed a mismatched but obviously loving family of seven.

Edward, she knew from Mrs Cope's ramblings, was the only single one of them all and even Alice was taken by "that tall blonde one with the southern accent". Mrs Cope had even informed her with a sly smile that the family was loaded, with Carlisle having received a huge fortune the day he'd turned eighteen by a long lost family member.

They had talked and talked and talked until her phone buzzed in her pocket, letting her know that she would have to leave then if she wanted to be home in time to make dinner. She'd told Edward just that, the disappointment on her face probably obvious to him and she'd moved to pack everything back in her bag.

When she turned back to say goodbye to him, she found him standing, his hands in his pockets and a determined but almost angry look on his face. She got to her feet then and opened her mouth to talk but he beat her to it.

"Bella, I don't think we should be friends," he told her, his voice once again that of the distant doctor she'd met three weeks prior.

"Why?" she asked him, shocked.

"I just don't think that I would be very good for you," he explained but instead of feeling sadness at his words, she'd gotten annoyed.

"You don't get to decide that for me, _Dr Cullen_ ," she mocked. She watched as his eyes widened in shock at her tone. He hadn't expected her to argue with him.

"Bella, I'm trying to make this easy for you," he almost pleaded. She exhaled loudly and clenched her jaw.

"Then you should have left when I got here, instead of spending what _was_ one of the best afternoons of my life with me!" even she had been shocked by her outburst but she'd spent such a long time feeling zero control over her life that she wasn't going to give it up now that she had it back.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he'd told her and she knew that he meant it but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"So am I," she'd told him before grabbing her bag and walking away.

A tear fell from the corner of her eye as she thought about how sad he'd looked when he'd apologised but she quickly wiped it away in irritation. She didn't know why she felt like this after only being in the man's presence twice, it made no rational sense but it still hurt and that tugging in her chest felt far worse now than it had before.

"Tomorrow will be better," she whispered to herself, vowing to lock away all thoughts of Edward Cullen where she couldn't find them.

She went to sleep already knowing that it wasn't possible.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

The next day saw Bella trying – and failing – to pay full attention to her lesson plans for the following week. She tried, desperately, to keep her mind on Romeo & Juliet but for the first time in her life she couldn't spare the star-crossed lovers a thought.

No, her mind was still firmly on what had happened yesterday in the meadow.

Because despite her best efforts, she could not get Edward Cullen out of her head.

She was still shocked that she'd argued with him because she wasn't at all the confrontational kind but something about the way he'd decided for her had definitely rubbed her the wrong way. She knew why but she wasn't about to admit that to herself or anyone else.

She sighed and pushed her work away, getting up from the kitchen table and made her way over to the sink. It was then, staring out over the backyard when the thought occurred to her. Something that she'd dismissed the day before but that now reared its head.

It was something about the way he spoke, she thought, as though he'd already lived a hundred lives. The way he'd talked about high school and college had made it sound like it had been a never ending experience, despite the fact he'd finished both far quicker than she. Though, she reasoned, if he had indeed been that intelligent, the lives of mundane teenagers and young adults would have been enough to make the experience far more tedious.

He must have felt out of sync with everyone else his age, much like she had and it would have been worse growing up in foster care. An old soul, her mother would say and in fact, had said about Bella on several occasions. And as much as she wanted to be angry with him, she couldn't.

But there was something more that tugged at her when she thought about it, something far more pressing about the way he'd talked about his life and his family, something that resonated in her. It was the half of the reason she'd fought back when he'd denied her friendship.

Edward Cullen was lonely.

* * *

It was almost three full weeks after her day in the meadow and the dark circles under Bella's eyes seemed to have become a permanent feature. She didn't know what the issue was, there was nothing in Forks that made her feel unsafe (though, the staff at the hospital would probably always make her feel uneasy) but nothing she seemed to do helped her to get a restful night's sleep.

She'd gone hiking until the muscles in her legs shook with exhaustion and while she'd fallen asleep almost immediately after her head had hit the pillow, she had woken again within the hour with her heart pounding, the nightmare still fresh in her mind.

She'd tried the different herbal teas her mother had suggested when she'd called for their weekly catch-up and the lavender shampoo when the tea didn't work. The lavender shampoo didn't last a full day, with Bella rushing into the shower as soon as she got home from work to wash her hair with her old faithful strawberry scented shampoo.

Her dad had (shockingly) suggested meditation but it had only taken Bella ten minutes of trying before realising that she was far too much of an active thinker to let herself relax.

So by the day her appointment to get her cast off came around, she was more than a little on edge. She'd spent the past three weeks actively trying to forget her two encounters with Edward Cullen and she couldn't help but feel anxious about the fact that there was a very good chance that he would be the one removing her cast.

She fidgeted in her seat as Shelley Cope drove her to the hospital after school, the last day of their still very awkward carpooling. Her father would be picking her up after she was done and she couldn't help but be glad; she wasn't sure she would be able to survive ten more minutes of Mrs Cope's disappointment that Bella would not, under any circumstances, date her son.

"Thanks for all of your help, Mrs Cope. You've been so wonderful," Bella said as they pulled into a parking space outside of the hospital entrance. She leaned into her bag and pulled out the wrapped present that she'd bought after the third time Mrs Cope had refused to take any money for gas. She handed it to the stunned woman and quickly made her way out of the car before she could try to give it back.

"Don't try to give it back, I wanted to say thank you and you deserve it," Bella said before closing the car door and making her way into the hospital, smiling at the thought of Mrs Cope watching as many episodes of Sex and the City as she could before going to bed that night. She'd complained to Bella a few times about no television show living up to her all-time favourite and that the few episodes she did have were all on video so Bella had bought her the set on DVD.

Her smile fell, however, as she walked into the hospital.

* * *

She sat alone thirty minutes later, in the same room she'd been in when she'd gotten the cast on. A nurse she'd known since high school had already taken her to get the x-ray of her arm to make sure it had healed properly and had been quiet until she'd showed Bella into the room she currently occupied.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything with the staff here. I didn't join in but I have a sixteen-year-old daughter and if anyone had been treating her the way they were treating you," the nurse shook her head sadly, the regret in her eyes plain to see. "I wish I'd said something, especially when you were younger. This hospital is supposed to be a safe place and it wasn't for you and I'm sorry."

Bella looked at her and smiled sadly. "Thank you," she said softly. She hadn't known how else to reply because she still wasn't able to fully let her guard down. She knew it might be years before she'd be comfortable in the Forks Hospital.

The nurse had smiled at her shyly then before turning to leave. She was in the doorway when she turned back around to add quickly before leaving Bella alone. "Dr Cullen will be in shortly with your x-rays."

Bella waited impatiently, thinking about what she might say to him. She definitely wanted to talk about that day in the meadow, about her arguing with him and to let him know how much their afternoon had meant to her. She also wanted a better explanation for why he didn't want to be her friend because she knew, deep inside of her that he had enjoyed her company almost as much as she had enjoyed his.

But when Dr Cullen arrived, it wasn't Edward.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Dr Carlisle Cullen had one of the kindest faces of anyone she'd ever met, she thought while she watched as he removed her cast. She'd asked him if he could do it carefully, because she planned to keep it.

In decorating her cast, Alice had made her look down at her arm without a frown and it had been one of the first times in her life when she didn't feel held back by an injury. Each time she'd looked at the painted flowers and Captain Wentworth's words, she'd been filled with joy and not sadness and for that reason, she knew she couldn't part with the cast.

"Alice did a lovely job on this," Carlisle said as he gently pulled the pieces away from her arm. "She told us about it and I really shouldn't be surprised but sometimes I forget just how talented she is."

"I've been having a wonderful time teaching her or at least _trying_ to teach her, she's so smart that sometimes I worry I'm wasting her time," she admitted with a small smile. Carlisle looked up at her then, having finished cutting her cast but had made no move to remove it and smiled at her warmly.

"Alice is rather unlucky in the regard that she's the only one in the family still in high school, the rest of us had one another and she finds it rather difficult relating to others her age sometimes but she's found a kinship in you, Bella. I think she hopes you might even be friends one day," he told her, his voice and eyes so kind that she could feel her throat getting tight and her eyes cloud with tears.

Bella let out a shaky breath and fought the urge to hug the doctor. She hadn't always been the kind of person to show affection so openly but goodness was there something about a person with the last name Cullen that brought it out in her.

She hadn't even met them all yet but she knew somehow, that they would each have hearts that were just a little bigger than everyone else's. It was remarkable, she thought, how they weren't all even biologically related and that they loved each other this much.

"Thank you," she whispered, not knowing quite what else to say without crying over the arm he'd finally released from its confines.

"Don't think that you aren't making a difference, Bella, because you are," he told her and if she hadn't been looking at his face directly, she might have missed the expression of seriousness on his face that almost didn't quite fit with his tone.

It wouldn't be until later that the thought would cross her mind. It was the last thing she thought before she fell asleep that night, her eyes heavy with exhaustion.

 _I don't think he was talking about Alice._

* * *

The first thing Bella did with her newfound two-arm freedom was drive to Newton's Outfitters the next morning. She had driven only once in the time that she'd broken her arm (the day she'd gone to the meadow) and the chewing out her father had given her when she'd gotten home had not been worth trying to do it again. Driving with a cast on was not advisable in a town where it rained half the month and while it annoyed her, she'd relented. She hadn't really felt like it after that day, anyway.

She pulled into the parking lot and stared up at the building with a small smile. She'd worked here for a few months in the summer between her junior and senior year before Mrs Newton had (kindly) told her that she thought Bella might be more suited working somewhere that didn't sell hunting knives and fish hooks. She'd been upset at the time but Mrs Newton had secured her a part time job at the local library which she'd liked much better, so she hadn't moped for too long.

She made her way into the store, bee-lining for the hiking boots she needed after discovering the left boot on her old pair had a hole in the side when she'd gotten home from one of her many hikes in an effort to exhaust herself to sleep.

She looked over the pairs they had, so engrossed in comparing features and prices that she didn't notice the bell on the door signifying the entrance of someone else five minutes after she arrived.

Ten minutes later she still stood but now had two shoes in her hand, each with a reasonable price and quality but her gaze, however, was on the pair directly in front of her on the shelf.

Purple, with a thick sole and heavy duty ankle support, they were exactly what she wanted but there was no way she could justify spending that much on a pair of shoes.

"If you want the purple ones, why don't you buy them?" a voice asked from behind her, startling her and causing her to drop one of the shoes she held.

He caught it before it hit the ground.

"Dr Cullen," she said, shocked, as she looked up into the eyes of Edward Cullen.

He stood a little ways away from her, his hair as mussed as it had been the day in the meadow but with his glasses on straight this time. He wore a collared shirt underneath a forest green knit sweater that looked far too good on him and slacks and dress shoes that looked very out of place in Newton's.

"Miss Swan," he replied softly, his smile hesitant. _Good, he's unsure_ , she thought because she'd have hated if he'd pretended if that afternoon hadn't happened.

Neither of them said anything for almost a full minute and it made Bella glad they were the only two people in the aisle because it would have looked more than strange that they were both just standing there staring at one another.

"Why are-"

"I'm sorr-"

They started at the same time but stopped and shared an awkward smile.

"You first," he insisted, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels, making him appear less like one of the county's best doctors (which, her father had informed her after she'd gotten her cast, he was) and more like the unsure teens she taught on a daily basis.

"I was going to ask why were here. You look a little out of place," she told him, indicating with one of the shoes she was still holding to his outfit and then to the stacks of hiking gear beside her.

"My family like to go camping when the weather's nice," he informed her with a polite but distant smile and she nodded in return, wondering why he'd even approached her in the first place.

"That's nice," she said, forcing a smile on her face and turning her attention back to the shoes.

"I wanted to apologise for how I ended things that day in the meadow. I was abrupt and more than a little rude and I'm sorry for upsetting you," he said earnestly. She looked up and frowned at the serious expression on his face, hating it even. She didn't like watching him frown, it made the memory of him smiling and laughing with her feel even further away, as though she'd imagined their entire afternoon together.

"Can you at least tell me why?" she asked softly. She needed, desperately, to know why he didn't want to be around her.

His face changed then, his distance lessening until he was almost the same man she'd met in the meadow weeks before. His eyes were liquid butterscotch as they stared into hers and she blushed at how her body reacted to it.

"I wouldn't be any good for you, Bella," he told her and she knew he believed he meant it. That didn't mean she didn't think it was absolute garbage.

"Okay," she replied.

"Okay?" he echoed, surprised.

"Okay, you won't be my friend because you don't think you'd be any good for me. Okay," she said, her tone dispassionate. "Unless I need medical care, you won't need to see me. I'm not going to waste my time trying to change your mind when it's clearly already made up."

"Bella-"

"Leave it, Edward. You've made your point, I'll leave you alone."

She turned around then and with far more grace than she'd ever shown before, she put the shoe she'd been holding back in its place and walked out of Newton's Outfitters knowing that her head was done with Edward Cullen.

Her heart, on the other hand, was not.

* * *

And when she woke up the next morning to find that a pair of purple hiking boots had been left on the front doormat, she knew that his heart hadn't quite lost the war with his head either.


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Slight trigger warning, proceed with care.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven**

Bella was ten aisles deep in her favourite second-hand bookstore in Port Angeles when the owner, a kind sixty-something woman called out that the store would be closing in a few minutes.

"Okay, thank you!" Bella called back, knowing that she was the only customer still in the store and she cringed when she glanced down at her watch, realising that she'd spent three hours flicking through worn paperbacks.

Looking down at the small pile of books she'd decided to buy, she chuckled. For three hours work one might have thought that she'd have more than ten books in her pile.

They were mostly older books, one a navy blue leather bound and gold embossed copy of Pride and Prejudice that was only four dollars and a copy of Jane Eyre that someone had spent a lot of time sketching images of characters in that was only five. The others consisted of miscellaneous books whose descriptions sounded enticing.

She paid for her purchases and left the store, putting the bag of books in her car before glancing down at her watch. She'd noticed a small music store a few streets over when she'd driven in and she debated walking the few blocks over. With a glance at her iPod, she locked her car and started walking, her decision made. While she loved her iPod, she still liked owning physical copies of her favourite CD's.

Much like her preference for paperbacks over ereaders, there was just some utterly unique feeling about owning a physical copy of something.

* * *

She made her way out of the music store, a small bag filled with CD's dangling from her arm and glared at the dark grey cloud that had swallowed the sun and any chance at her seeing a decent sunset. It was something she'd missed out on in Chicago too and she almost wished her mother still lived in Phoenix so she could visit and see one again. A good one, one where the sky was bright with burnt orange and teal and pink if there was a cloud or two.

She shook her head and continued on her way, grateful for the chance to stretch her legs a little. She hadn't been as active as she would have liked over the past few weeks, even with the new hiking boots. She avoided the meadow because she was too torn over whether or not she wanted to find _him_ in it again.

She'd only walked a block and a half when she heard the footsteps behind her. Her heart stuttered at the sound and picked up and she took in a low breath, praying that it was just a family or group of kids walking behind her.

"Hey, sweet thing!" she heard a male voice shout behind her, confirming her fears. She'd seen the group of men earlier, loitering across the road from the music shop when she'd walked in, drinking alcohol straight from the bottle, laughing when one of them made a crude remark about her.

She'd thought she'd been safe because she hadn't seen then when she'd walked out of the shop but obviously, she'd been wrong.

"Bitch, we're talking to you!" another one of them said and she shuddered, her stomach churning with anxiety.

She heard the footsteps get closer and that sense of dread that she'd felt deep in the pit of her stomach the morning she'd broken her arm made itself known once more.

One of them tripped over the sidewalk again and she could make out the sounds of his friends teasing him for it, their laughter making her more unsteady. She looked around the street, the sky darkening far too quickly for comfort and almost started crying. The street hadn't looked this ominous on her walk earlier in the day, it hadn't appeared so abandoned – had it?

She picked up her pace then, knowing that there was no way she'd ever be able to fight four of them off, even with the can of pepper spray in her bag, the one her father replaced every Christmas.

"Where do you think you're going?!" one of them asked and this time she could feel the bile rising from her stomach. That was the voice of the one who had made the initial comment about her and when she'd met his eyes from across the road, she could see the intent behind his remark.

She whimpered and she heard them all begin to pick up their pace.

She started running then, flat out and as though her life depended on it, which if she thought about it, it probably was. She ran faster than she'd ever run in her life, knowing that it still wasn't fast enough, that they would still catch up to her.

And five seconds later, when she felt someone grab hold of the back of her jacket and tug, she knew they had.

A second after that, she felt her back collide with the front of one of them, his body warmth radiating grossly through her jacket and something hard digging into her back. It made her want to vomit.

"Hey, don't hog her!" one of them slurred, making his way to where she was now trapped and a second later she was crying out in pain. He'd grabbed a fist of her hair and had tugged her in his direction but much like the day she'd tried to yank her cardigan from her car door, he'd pulled too hard and she found herself watching as the pavement grew closer and closer to her face.

She braced for the pain but it never came.

Strong, unyielding arms were wrapped around her and a scent invaded her senses, one she'd only ever smelled before on three separate occasions. She opened her eyes and found Edward Cullen's staring right back at her. She was in his arms.

And a second later, she wasn't.

She was standing five feet away, watching as he incapacitated her pursuers far too quickly for her eyes or brain to comprehend. If she hadn't been in shock, she was sure her jaw would be on the ground.

It was over in seconds, the drunk men no match for Edward's speed and soon found themselves all sprawled out on the sidewalk, groaning or passed out.

Edward stood in the middle of them, not looking like he was breathing as he stared at her and she let out a shaky breath she hadn't realised that she'd been holding.

"Can you get me out of here?" she whispered, her voice so soft she thought he might not hear her but he obviously must have because a moment later she found herself in his arms, and he carried her over to the silver car she knew hadn't been there a minute before.

He opened the door and lowered her onto the passenger seat gently and a few seconds later he sat next to her in the driver's seat, turning on the heater and pointing it in her direction. She felt the heat but didn't feel any warmer.

They sat in silence for a few seconds, paying no attention to the men that were now scattering away, not taking chances with a second round. The silence was tense and Bella felt her hands starting to shake.

"What can I do?" he asked, his voice uncertain and she turned her head to look at him to find his eyes already on her, his gaze filled with concern and something that looked almost like…fear.

"Hold me?" she asked, her voice small and uncertain. She didn't think he would and she braced for him to tell her to ask for something else but it didn't come. Instead, she found herself being lifted and maneuvered out of her seat and onto his lap in the driver seat, her head pressed against his chest.

"Bella," he whispered softly, sadly as he wrapped one arm around her and lifted the other to stroke her head. She felt lips press against her hairline and whatever handle she had previously held against her emotions was lost.

And she cried.

Because she'd nearly been assaulted.

Because she might have died.

Because he had saved her.

His arm around her tightened but his rhythmic stroke of her hair didn't falter, not even when she started to calm and the tears began to lessen, did he let her go.

And she realised then, as his lips met her skin again, that she didn't want him to.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

They had been sitting in silence for a long while after Bella had finally stopped crying. Neither of them had made any move to unengage from their embrace and neither seemed to be in a hurry to do so.

When Bella finally spoke, it wasn't loud but the break in utter silence seemed to shock them both.

"Do you remember when I told you that high school wasn't that great for me?" she asked him without looking up, her voice hoarse from her tears.

"Yes," he replied and she let out a low breath, lifting her hands to play with the buttons on his coat.

"College was worse," she admitted with a low whisper.

She felt him stiffen beneath her, his body tight with tension. "How?" he demanded, his voice low and cold in a way that warmed her instead of freezing her, like it might have for someone else. She liked it far too much that try as he might to act indifferent, he still wanted to protect her.

"His name was Walter John Bowman III…" she told him then, told him everything about the popular guy on campus, the one with the rich family and a million connections.

She told him all about how (to the shock of everyone on campus, herself included) he turned his eyes to a plain freshman from Washington State. He'd asked her out on a date and when she'd rejected him, he'd acted like it was fine but then she had started seeing him everywhere. He had transferred into her classes and manipulated his way into her study group who quickly started pressuring her into accepting his second request for a date.

"They made me feel like I couldn't say no and so I didn't but it might have been the biggest mistake I made, giving him that hope," she admitted, her voice small. To this day, she hated that she hadn't been brave enough to say no to that second date.

She felt Edward stiffen even further and she pushed her head more firmly against his chest before lifting her head to look at his face. What she saw there made her want to cry again. He looked like he was in pain as his eyes met hers and she lifted her hand to stroke her fingers across his cheek.

"I can stop," she offered him with a sad smile. His eyes softened slightly and he pushed his cheek against her fingers, welcoming her touch but he shook his head.

"Keep going," he urged her, his voice soft once more.

She told him then about the date and how Walter hadn't let her get a word in. He talked about his family and college and his future plans but not once did he ask about hers and she'd found that odd because he'd spent months trying to get her to see him.

"I said I wasn't interested in him romantically when he'd gone to kiss me in his car and he tried to hide it but I could see how angry that made him but he let me go. I thought that it was okay and that he had gotten over it but then the notes started coming." The notes that had begun as love letters but as time had worn on and Bella had continued to ignore him had gotten increasingly threatening.

"I went to campus security but they didn't want to touch anything with the name Bowman attached to it so I let it go until my dorm was broken into." Her belongings had been tossed all over, her roommates remaining untouched amidst the chaos and when she found her underwear drawer empty but of balls of used tissue that was unmistakably left by him for her to see, she had thrown up and had broken down.

"I called Charlie and he flew down. He took one look at everything and took me straight to the police and they arrested Walter. We had his DNA and the Dean wasn't the kind of woman to be bribed with his family's money so he was expelled but he was out on bail soon enough.

"We found out later, when the police were involved, that I bore an uncanny resemblance to his high school sweetheart who had died in high school in a car accident. They'd broken up right before and Walter had apparently been inconsolable at the time." A tear leaked from the corner of her eye then and Edward lifted his finger tips to catch it before dropping another kiss to her forehead.

"Was that the end of it, Bella?" he asked her, his slightly strangled.

"No," she told him before whispering the rest, almost too softly for him to hear. "He wasn't supposed to come onto campus, there was a restraining order in place and the Dean had been very clear to his family about how he wasn't ever welcome back. But he found his way into the library when I was studying and he had a gun." The last part was so quiet she almost didn't hear it herself but he clearly had.

"Bella," Edward whispered her name then, his voice hoarse and shocked.

She took his hand in hers and moved her shirt upwards, leading his fingers to the slightly still raised scar next to her belly button. "This wouldn't be in my file," she told him quietly as his fingers traced over the scar that had been made wider from the resulting surgery she'd needed to save her life.

"This has been the worst thing that had ever happened to me, it left me unsure and isolated and in pieces but tonight would have destroyed me Edward. There would have been none of me left to put back together but you stopped them. You saved my life."

* * *

"We should call the police," Bella told Edward, coming out of her reverie. Her voice was hoarse and her throat ached from crying but there were no longer tears. "They need to arrest those men."

"They're gone now," Edward told her and she turned her attention to where they had been, the sidewalk empty. She turned her face to him and frowned.

"They need to be punished," she whispered, frightened that loose they might try to hurt someone else.

"They'll be punished," Edward told her, his eyes no longer liquid butterscotch and his jaw clenched. Bella believed him.

"Okay," she whispered, fighting the urge to lower her head onto his chest once more and stay there, maybe forever. "You should probably take me back to my car now."

Charlie had an overnight shift but she knew he'd patrol past the house at least once throughout the night, or send someone else to. He'd done it when she was a teenager and she knew he'd never stop trying to keep her safe, especially after Chicago.

"I'll drive you home," he told her softly, his eyes again liquid as they looked down at her hands that still shook slightly.

"But my car-" she started but stopped because Alice's Audi had just pulled to a stop in front of them. Alice climbed out of the passenger side, accompanied by a tall, blonde man who stepped out of the driver's side that she knew immediately was Jasper.

"Alice will drive your car back," Edward told her and Bella didn't even have time to figure out how they'd known where to come before he was lifting her back onto her own seat. He was out of the car before she could say another word.

After a second of indecision, she followed him and she almost gasped at how cold it was outside compared to the warmth of the car. She hadn't even realised he'd had the heater on.

She made her way to where they stood on the sidewalk and she knew she must have looked a fright because her appearance provoked Alice to look sadder than Bella had ever seen her, even when she'd broken her arm.

"It's okay," Bella told her, voice soft. She hated that Alice – or anyone for that matter – had to see her like that.

She then found herself wrapped in Alice's embrace, the girl's arms wound a little too tightly around her but Bella didn't dare tell her to stop. Neither of them said anything but when Alice pulled away, they shared a sad smile. Not for the first time did Bella wish that she and Alice were closer in age, that they'd met when they were both teenagers.

"Alice is going to drive your car back," Edward told her and she turned her attention to where he stood, his gaze on her, some of the warmth it now gone but she ignored it.

She turned her attention to Jasper, who was slightly taller than Edward and just as attractive as the rest of their family. "I'm Bella," she told him, her voice much brighter than it had been in hours. She might look a fright but she wasn't going to let that fact play a part in his first impression of her.

"Jasper Whitlock," he introduced himself with a small smile and a slight southern lilt to his voice. She nodded to him and smiled at him before turning her attention back to Edward, whose expression was unreadable.

"One of us needs to work on our bedside manner," she teased him before handing her keys to Alice, who was looking at her in both shock and amusement and she could hear Jasper chuckling. "Please don't drive the way you usually do, my car _and_ my nerves couldn't bare it."

She thanked Alice and Jasper with a smile and turned and made her way back into the car, welcoming its warmth. She buckled herself in and watched as they talked for another minute or so before Edward turned to make his way back into his car.

It was then that Alice winked at her.

"Jeez, Alice, I can't even get him to just be my _friend_ ," she whispered underneath her breath, having averted her gaze out of the passenger seat window.

If she had been looking, she would have seen Edward Cullen's step falter for the first time in a very long time.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Edward's car pulled up in front of Bella's house and she braced herself for his next attempt to try and push her away. It never came.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, having turned to look at her with concern in both his voice and on his face.

"In the long run or tonight?" she asked, sounding as tired as she felt.

"Both."

"In the long run I'll be okay but tonight…" she trailed off, her cheeks filling with blush. "I have nightmares sometimes. Tonight is going to be hard."

She almost didn't tell him but saw no reason to keep it a secret. She was who she was, nightmares and all.

"Do you have something you can take?" he asked, ever the doctor.

"Not anymore." She'd been on sleeping pills in the months following her attack but not even a change of dorm rooms or the drugs had been able to keep the nightmares at bay, eventually she'd given the pills up as she was tired of the drowsiness they brought.

He sat for a minute, his eyes on her face as though searching for something before making his decision. She bit her lip and he took in a low breath before opening his mouth to speak, decision made.

"Give me your cell phone," he ordered softly and she hesitated for a moment before handing it over. He fiddled with it for a few moments and she heard the low buzzing of his own phone in his pocket before he handed hers back to her. She looked at the screen to find his contact details saved under his name and looked up at him, surprised.

"Call me if you need me," he urged, his voice low and his eyes liquid. "I don't start my shift until midnight so there's plenty of time."

She nodded in response, not trusting herself enough to speak. She could barely think when he looked at her that way and she wondered when he'd pull away again.

"Okay," she said softly.

* * *

An hour later found Bella in bed, wearing one of her favourite old t-shirts, desperately trying to pull some comfort from the worn fabric. She was more than a little tired but the thought of closing her eyes terrified her.

Her phone was in her hand, Edward's contact information at the ready but she couldn't bring herself to press call.

She was afraid of falling any further into Edward Cullen than she already had.

"Silly girl, just close your eyes," she whispered to herself, wishing she could just will the nightmares and feelings away.

Her phone vibrated then, the words Edward Cullen flashing on her screen and a small gasp of surprise fell from her mouth.

"Hello," she said, answering.

"Are you okay?" he asked without greeting her, warmth and concern radiating from his tone. She let out a low breath, her throat starting to ache with tears again.

"How'd you know?" she asked him, turning onto her side and lifting her thighs to her chest.

"I had a feeling and I knew you wouldn't call me," he told her, his voice sad but resigned. She was glad he acknowledged it.

"You've been so inconsistent, Edward. I don't even know if you actually like me or if you're still just feeling guilty about that day at the hospital," she admitted, her tone matching his.

There was pause then and the line was completely silent, she couldn't even hear him breathe.

"I like you, Bella," he whispered so softly she almost didn't hear.

The pause this time was her own doing and she hugged her knees tighter to her, a small smile playing on her mouth.

"What are you doing right now?" she asked him.

"I'm in my office, waiting for my shift to start," he told her, his voice more upbeat than it had been since she'd answered the phone.

"Tell me about being a doctor," she told him.

"What do you want to know?" he asked her, sounding surprised but not displeased.

"Everything. Tell me everything," she said, finally closing her eyes.

He complied and she fell asleep listening to Edward Cullen's soft voice in her ear.

* * *

The dreams she had that night might not have been the ones she had been expecting but that didn't mean that they were any less terrifying.

* * *

When Bella woke, her eyes immediately fell to a photo she'd paid no attention to in her time back in Forks. It was a picture of herself and her former best friend, Jacob Black.

He was the son of Charlie's best friend and when she'd been in Forks as a child they'd played together. It had been only natural that when she moved there as a teenager that they remain being friends.

They'd been close for months after she'd arrived, their friendship only ending after Jacob had forced Bella's first kiss upon her after she'd been adamant that she didn't see him that way.

That wasn't the reason she was looking at the picture then, however. No, she was remembering the day it had been taken.

The day that Jacob had told her about the Quileute legends. The day she'd just dreamed about.

He had told her about how his ancestors were believed descended from wolves and could shape-shift at will, to defend their tribe from their sworn enemy, the Cold Ones.

The Cold Ones.

An enemy that was lightning fast, stronger than a hundred men and had impenetrable, cold skin.

They were immortal and beautiful, Jacob had told her that afternoon as they'd walked along first beach while their fathers fished a few miles away and his shapeshifting ancestors had been the only ones who had been able to stop them from drinking the blood of their entire tribe.

"Vampires?" a seventeen-year-old Bella had scoffed at her friend. "Werewolves? Come on Jake, surely you have better legends than _that._ "

She had teased him and he'd laughed, not believing it any more than she had.

But she believed him now.

Because there was no other explanation for Edward's cold, unyielding skin, the fact that Alice had felt exactly the same when she'd hugged her and how Edward had managed to incapacitate the four men who were attacking her in seconds. Or even the fact that every member of his family that she had met had the exact same colour eyes despite the fact that they weren't biologically related.

It explained how he'd been able to find her the night before and why he'd made it to her meadow wearing a pair of dress shoes.

Edward Cullen was a vampire.


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"You alright, kiddo?" Charlie asked hours after Bella had woken up, as they ate a late lunch of chicken salad sandwiches. Well, Charlie ate while she picked at her food, hungry but not concentrating enough to do anything about it.

"Just thinking about those men in Port Angeles," she told him.

An hour earlier, they'd been watching a rerun of _The Office_ together when a news update had come on during an ad break, informing them that four men had been drugged and had literally been left on the doorstep of the Port Angeles Police Station in the early hours of the morning.

All of them had been wanted for questioning over a liquor store robbery from the week before and two were wanted in another state for assault. It didn't help their situation that they were each found to be carrying multiple bags of cocaine on their persons.

She didn't know how and she honestly didn't _want_ to know how Edward had managed to pull it off.` They wouldn't be paying for the crime against her but they would be paying and that was enough for her. They wouldn't be able to hurt another woman where they would be going.

"It's definitely strange," Charlie said, having polished off his lunch. "But drugs make you do all sorts of stupid things."

They lapsed back into silence and Bella went back to thinking about the information she'd uncovered that morning.

She'd sat in bed, thinking over it all for an hour but the result did not change. There was no other explanation for all that she'd seen from Edward the night before, the way he'd moved so quickly her eyes hadn't been able to keep up and how cold he'd been despite the heat from both her body and the car, even after an hour.

He was a vampire.

And she found, much to her horror, that she was shockingly okay with that fact.

Because as she'd fallen asleep the night before, Edward had told her about the car accident that he and Carlisle had come across one night when Edward had been in high school and how, with Carlisle's assistance, he'd helped revive the two women in the car, saving their lives.

He'd told her about how that event had given him the motivational push into pursuing medicine he'd needed and how happy he'd been for it. He'd told her, his voice soft and sincere, that nothing had ever made him feel as good as it had the night he'd helped save those two women after having pulled them from their car, which had been submerged in a lake.

Edward Cullen and his family weren't at all the red-eyed killers Jacob had once described to her. No, she believed they were a family full of wonderful individuals that just _happened_ to be vampires.

She just wished she knew how Edward would react when he found out she knew.

Because that terrified her more than anything.

"I want to talk to you about something," her father told her, breaking her from her thoughts once more. She turned her attention to him, noticing that his cheeks and ears had turned a shade of pink that was all to familiar to her. It was the same colour as her own blush.

"What is it?" she asked, pushing aside her plate and giving him her full attention. Her stomach was far too full of anxiety then to eat anyway.

"Sue and I have decided to move in together," he all but blurted out so quickly she almost missed it.

"That's great Dad!" she told him, honestly. She was glad that he was finally happy and with someone who suited him. "Do you need me to move out?"

"No, kid," he told her, his voice gentle in that gruff way that only Charlie Swan could pull off. "We've put in a bid on the Mallory's old place, down near the high school. It's been on the market for over a year now and it needs a few coats of paint but it's a nice place. We want to start somewhere new for both of us."

"But won't you need to sell this place first?" Bella was no expert but she knew that the salary of a small-town police chief wasn't a whole lot.

Charlie shook his head and smiled at her warmly. "Paid this old girl off years ago, and you got a full ride to college so the money I set aside I haven't touched other than to buy your car. I offered you the money after you graduated but you told me to keep it, so we're gonna use it. It'll mean the mortgage will be low and we'll be able to make a few renovations without breaking the bank. Seth's going to rent Sue's place and you can do the same here if you'd like.

"I know it isn't much, but you can change what you want and make it more your own. Paint or get some new furniture or put up some shelves in my room when it's empty. It's your home."

Bella looked around the kitchen, at the yellow cupboard doors her mother had painted that she'd hated in her teens and the stove where she'd learned (from Charlie) how to scramble eggs. The house had been the heart of her memories with her father and she wasn't quite ready to let go yet.

"I'll stay," she told him with a smile. And those yellow cupboard doors are _not_ , she thought with a huff.

Her father smiled back at her.

* * *

It was late that night when her phone started vibrating and with a pounding heart and a small smile, she pressed answer and held it to her ear.

"Tell me about being a teacher," he demanded without greeting her and she couldn't help the laugh and wide smile that found its way onto her face before she spoke.

"What do you want to know?" she asked him, snuggling further into her bed.

"Everything," he said, a smile in his voice. "Tell me everything."

So she did.

* * *

When Edward Cullen started his shift at the hospital that night, he did it fighting a smile.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Tell me about high school," was his greeting on the Thursday night after she'd been attacked in Port Angeles. He'd called each night before his shift, which coincided with her bedtime. Each night they'd started their conversations without greetings, taking in turns in asking each other questions about their lives. The more they talked, the more each other seemingly wanted to know.

She took a deep breath. "I can assure you that teenage me wasn't very interesting. Clumsy, yes, interesting, no." She was being honest too, she'd spent her teen years with her head stuck in a book, living every reality but her own.

"Tell me about her anyway," he urged, his voice soft in a way that made her chest tight and other parts of her tingle.

"Phoenix isn't really worth mentioning, I suppose. I didn't really have any friends that weren't my mom," she told him honestly and she wasn't ashamed of that fact. What Renee lacked in maternal instinct she more than made up with in friendship and sisterhood.

"Why did you leave Phoenix?" he asked.

"My mom remarried and Phil played minor league baseball then. So he travelled a lot and she had to stay home with me. She said it was okay but I knew she missed him. I asked Charlie if I could move here so she could go on the road with Phil," I told him. It had been a hard decision, because she'd loved living in Phoenix, she'd loved the warmth and the adventures her mother would take her on, places Bella would never had thought of herself.

"That was a pretty selfless thing for a seventeen-year-old to do, Bella. You can't tell me that you were boring when you're making decisions like that," he said, his voice bringing her warmth.

"I just wanted to make her happy," she told him honestly. She hadn't really thought about what she herself had really wanted. She was just tired of seeing her mother's light dim each time Phil left for another trip without her.

"Did Forks make _you_ happy?" Edward asked and she couldn't help it – she chuckled.

"Forks gave me all of the fodder I needed to be one of those sullen, moody teenagers but I've never really been that dramatic," she informed him.

"I suppose all of the rain and fog helped your Wuthering Heights fantasies," he teased and she smiled at the fact that he'd remembered.

"Alas, my Heathcliff never came."

Edward remained quiet for a long moment then and Bella's smile turned into a frown.

"What's the matter?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Nothing," he told her quietly but she knew he didn't mean it.

She fell asleep wondering why he'd paused.

* * *

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Edward asked her on Friday night. Bella was sitting up in her bed, back to the headboard, wiggling her toes to help dry the deep purple polish she'd bought on a whim while doing the grocery shopping the day before.

It was something she normally wouldn't notice, having never really gotten the hang of hair and makeup the way other girls and women did but when she'd seen the purple polish, she'd found that she really liked the colour.

"My Amazon order came today so I plan on losing myself in a castle in the British countryside with a tall, dark and broody hero," she told him with a smile.

He chuckled and she grinned in response. She loved making him laugh.

"Do you want to lose yourself in England at the meadow with me? Carlisle is forcing me to take the day off."

She was shocked and more than a little apprehensive but it wasn't because she knew that he was a vampire. It was because she knew that as soon as he found out she knew, he was bound to push her away again.

It was one thing talking to him every night on the phone, the worst he could do would be to hang up on her but she feared him shutting her out in person. She grew anxious at the thought of his face turning blank and his eyes becoming cold.

"That sounds good," she said when she finally found her voice. "I have this ridiculously expensive pair of purple hiking boots that I haven't worn in yet." Her tone was teasing and light, she hadn't brought them up before then, trying to avoid bringing up his efforts to push her away.

"You liked them," he told her and she could almost feel his bashfulness through the phone.

"I love them, thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he replied, his voice just as soft.

And Bella fell a little further.

* * *

"Does everyone in your family drive like a lunatic, or is it just you and Alice?" Bella asked as she climbed out of Edward's car, a sleek silver Volvo that he'd made move so quickly and precisely, she wasn't sure if she should be impressed or horrified.

"You didn't say anything the last time I drove," he pointed out with raised eyebrows and an arrogant smile that made her roll her eyes at him playfully.

"That night you could have been playing nineties boyband music for all I know," she retorted and he laughed.

"You wound me, Bella. Boybands," he faked a shudder and she laughed, trying not to get distracted by his happy mood as she gathered her backpack from the backseat. He was dressed the way he should have been the first time she'd seen him, in jeans and hiking boots, a dark green t-shirt and a leather jacket that seriously made her want to bite her lip.

"Well, for future notice, I'd prefer we went with something a little closer to the speed limit. Chief's daughter and all," she said with a jaunty smile.

"Noted," he replied, smiling and shaking his head.

* * *

"I need to tell you about something," she told him halfway into their hike.

They'd spent most of the time talking and she'd told him about the house, which she and Charlie had agreed that she would rent-buy from him instead of just renting. That way she would feel more comfortable about changing things, about making it her own. In turn, he'd told her about helping his siblings fix up the house they all shared just outside of town and offered her his help which she accepted with a shy smile.

"What is it?" he asked, turning his face and full attention to her, clearly reading the anxiety in her voice.

"The hospital I frequented in Chicago is sending my file through this week," she told him, her voice shaking slightly.

He stopped walking then and turned to her. She stopped walking and faced him. "We're too close for me to be your doctor anymore, Bella. I can't look at your file," he said softly and she nodded.

"I thought so but I think I should tell you anyway that there were complications during my surgery after I was shot. I haemorrhaged, badly and they couldn't save my uterus from further damage while they were trying to save me. I can't have children." The last sentence was spoken quietly, her voice was calm but her stomach was in knots.

She'd already mourned the fact but that didn't mean it didn't hurt her any less to say the words out loud. She hadn't even known that she'd wanted children until she'd been told that she wouldn't be able to have them anymore.

His face became soft then but his eyes were sad.

"I can't either," he told her softly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, moving a step forward and taking his hand in her own and giving it a squeeze. She went to pull it back but he didn't let her, instead twining his fingers with her own.

Neither said anything about it but when they began walking again they each wore small, matching smiles.


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

"You should never play poker," Edward told her an hour after they arrived in the meadow. They'd held hands until they'd reached their destination and only let go when they had needed to.

They'd set up a picnic blanket which they were currently reclined on, one on either side with their legs touching just slightly. It was a small intimacy but one that had made each of them smile a little to themselves.

Bella looked up from her book at him, her cheeks slightly pink. "What do you mean?"

"You've frowned, smiled and blushed all within the last ten pages," he said, smiling wickedly. She groaned in reply and buried her hand in her book, cheeks flaming. Her mother had liked pointing out the same thing.

"You're supposed to be reading, not looking at me!" she exclaimed, peeking up over her book at him.

"You're far more interesting," he said, pushing up and moving closer to her. He pulled the book from her face and dropped it into her lap.

"More interesting than Harper Lee?" she asked, her voice low and a small smile on her face.

"More interesting than anyone," he replied, his voice just as low as hers.

"Edward," she said, her voice little more than a whisper, gratitude and awe in her tone. His eyes were liquid butterscotch as they bore into hers and she felt her heart leap in her chest.

She'd never wanted a kiss more in her life than she did in that moment.

"Bella," he replied, unconsciously moving closer, his mouth gravitating towards hers. She felt his cool breath, could almost _taste_ it but just as their lips were about to meet, he pulled away.

"I can't, Bella," he told her as he moved further away, his voice and face twisted in pain.

She took a deep breath and let it out before replying.

"Edward, if it's about you being a vampire, it's okay," she said, her voice softer than it had ever been.

He stiffened, his while body becoming unnaturally still. When he moved again, his face was blank and his eyes were ice.

She flinched in response.

"How long have you known?" he asked, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"I've known about the legends since I was a teenager but I didn't realise they were true until the morning after Port Angeles," she told him honestly.

"And you didn't say anything?"

She took another deep breath and let it out, bracing herself. "I didn't see the need."

Maybe I shouldn't have said that, she thought as she watched his blank expression give way to anger.

"You…didn't…see…the… _need?_ " he asked, his voice quiet but biting and she flinched in response.

"Yes," she replied slowly, wondering how in the world she was going to get him to calm down enough to talk to her.

"Bella," he said her name slowly, shaking his head in aggravation.

A second later, he was no longer sitting in front of her.

She looked around but he was nowhere in sight and she moved her book to her side before she dropped to her back, trying to focus on breathing so she wouldn't freak out.

She then picked up her book and continued reading, knowing it might be a little while before he came back but that he would be back.

She was three chapters deeper when she heard him return.

He stood across from her, hands fisted at his sides and his face carefully blank. He'd taken off his glasses now that he knew she knew that he didn't need them. She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.

"Why are you here, Bella?" he asked, running his hand through his hair.

"You asked me last night," she replied, confused and a little annoyed. Her book had been getting good.

"I mean, why are you still here with me if you know what I am?" he asked, his expression a mixture of frustration and desperation.

She blushed then and looked away from him before she spoke, summoning her courage.

"I like you, Edward," she whispered so softly he wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't a vampire.

His face changed then, frustration giving away to unconcealed pain.

"Bella," he said her name in such a tortured voice that it made her eyes fill with tears because she knew what would follow. "I can't."

"Why?" she asked him, moving to her feet, her voice cracking and a tear leaking from one of her eyes.

"I'm a vampire, Bella. Isn't that enough of a reason?" he asked her and she watched sadly as his face twisted in disgust.

She took a step forward. "I care about what you _do_ , Edward, not what you _are_ ," she said, her voice earnest.

She watched as he took a deep breath and let it out before he was gone again. He didn't leave completely that time, however and had just moved to stand along the tree line of the meadow. She watched, wide-eyed as he ripped a tree from the ground and threw it a hundred feet away from him.

He was standing before her again a second later, holding her face in his cold hands.

"Everything about me is enhanced to draw you in, my voice, even the way I smell. I'm a predator, Bella and you're my prey. Especially you," he told her, using his thumbs to wipe her tears away.

"Especially me?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Your blood, it's stronger for me than anyone else's. It smells _better_ than anyone else's."

"Is that why you were so cold to me that first day?"

"Yes," he replied but she saw something flash across his face that made her believe that that wasn't completely true.

"You haven't hurt me," she pointed out softly, covering his hands with hers. "You've helped me, you've saved me." In more ways that one, she thought.

"I could hug you too tight and crush you, Bella," he said. "I could be around when you cut yourself and attack you. Everything about me is made to kill."

"I can't let you just shut me out, Edward. Not now," she said and he pulled his hands away from hers and ran his fingers through his hair with a frustrated groan.

He moved away from her and a moment later everything that they'd brought with them was packed away. He had her backpack secured on her shoulders a second later.

"What are you doing?" she asked, frustrated. If he started giving her the silent treatment she might finally have the tantrum she'd wanted to in her teens.

"I'm taking you home," he replied, his voice curt.

"We haven't finished talking about this!" she exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We have," he replied bluntly. He moved toward her then, slowly, as if he were considering something and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"What-" she started but was unable to finish because she found herself swept off her feet, draped over his back. Instinctively, she wound her arms and legs around him.

"Close your eyes," he ordered and she barely had the time to register his words before they were moving.

Green swept passed them in a blur as they moved through the trees faster than she'd ever moved on land before she closed her eyes a moment later, after a wave of dizziness swept over her.

They came to a stop a minute later.

He set her on the ground and she swayed a little as she gathered her bearings.

"Wow," she said, her voice little more than a whisper when her eyes took in the fact that they were back at his car. "You're fast," she added, louder.

He rolled his eyes heavenward and let out a frustrated groan that might have made her giggle if the air between them wasn't so full of tension. She watched sadly as his face became blank once more.

He moved over to the car and neither of them said nothing as they both climbed in. Bella shivered as her bare arms met the cold leather seat and immediately, he turned on the car and the heater, pointing all of the vents in her direction.

Any other time, she would have smiled at him but she knew it wasn't possible then. Regardless, she still filled with warmth at the thought that even furious, he was still taking care of her.

They drove in silence to her house and she noticed that despite the mood in the air, he sat on the exact speed limit the entire time.

"Edward," she whispered when they arrived, her voice sad but determined. She wouldn't be getting out of the car until he talked to her.

"I can't do this with you, Bella," he replied, not looking at her, his jaw clenched.

"Can't do what?" she asked, the pain in her chest that she'd felt weeks ago coming back with a vengeance.

"Anything."

Bella took a deep breath and let it out shakily. He turned to look at her then, his eyes darker than she'd ever seen them but also full of pain.

"I'm falling in love with you," she told him, willing herself to be brave.

"Bella." His eyes were wide with shock and she longed to reach out and touch him, to make him understand just how deeply she had fallen into him.

"And I think you might feel the same way about me," she added, her cheeks flaming and her heart hammering.

He stopped breathing then and his eyes were liquid for a full moment before he looked away, confirming her words.

"I can't be with you," his words were low and slightly strangled.

"I can't just let you push me away, though," she replied, her eyes filling with tears once more. "You're my best friend."

"You're mine, too," he admitted resting his forehead on the steering wheel for a full minute with his eyes closed. When he opened them again he sat up and turned to face her, she sucked in a deep breath and braced for the blow she knew he was about to deliver.

"It's too dangerous," he told her, voice cold and his eyes hard. "I'm sorry."

She knew he'd made up his mind, that she had no hope in changing it then. She let out her breath and gathered her bag in her hand. She opened the door but didn't get out of the car.

"I know I'm only human," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "But I think I could make you happy and I'm not going to give up on that, or you, so easily. If you change your mind, call me and I'll be there."

His face didn't change and his eyes didn't either but that didn't deter her.

She leaned forward and softly pressed her lips against his for a moment before pulling away. She didn't look at his expression, she simply turned and climbed out of the car, not looking back as she made her way to her house.

She knew that he wouldn't call that night, or even the night after but she felt deep inside of her that this wasn't the end of them.

And she knew this because he'd _let_ her kiss him.

* * *

When Edward Cullen started his shift that night, he could still taste her on his mouth and his chest hurt already for the moment that he couldn't anymore.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Days passed, then weeks and soon it had become a full month.

The weather became warmer, days slightly longer and Bella's wardrobe of thick cardigans and nice jeans gave way to sweater dresses and stockings gifted to her by her mother. They fit snuggly on her now healthy frame. She once more had curves but she hadn't quite noticed how far more defined they were now that she was no longer a teenager.

She had, however, noticed the football team's sudden interest in literature.

She'd received two offers for dates, one from a member of staff and another from a man she'd met while grocery shopping. She'd turned them both down with flaming cheeks and stuttered apologies.

She'd felt bad but neither of them were the man she wanted. Neither of them were Edward Cullen.

He hadn't called in the time since she'd last seen him and she hadn't called him either. She knew that it wouldn't do in her favour to make the first move. He had to change his mind on his own.

She couldn't help but falter in her hope, however.

She'd spent her weeks helping her father and Sue move in to their new house, painting and plastering and arranging furniture with Sue and Leah, her now quasi-stepsister. Leah lived in Port Angeles with her husband Sam and their son where they ran a garage.

It was nice getting to know her and while her heart tugged a little at first, she had liked playing with her 'nephew'. Harry was a happy little boy and the centre of his parent's world and while he'd made a game of getting beneath their feet as they'd put furniture together, they'd all enjoyed his presence.

Charlie had given her longer hugs than usual when she'd said goodbye the days that Harry had been around and she wondered how she'd ever once thought him to be out of touch with her feelings. He was anything but.

She'd also seen Jacob for the first time since she'd been in high school.

He'd been at Charlie and Sue's housewarming and at first she'd not realised it was him because he was at least a foot taller than he'd been when she'd moved away. His formerly long, thick hair was now gone and a short, neat look was in its place. He'd looked older and handsome but his appearance hadn't done anything to make her heart pound or her stomach flip like _his_ did.

Jacob's smile had faltered when his eyes had met hers and she watched disappointment had flash on his face for a second before he recovered, giving her a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. She smiled back but the apprehension that had bubbled to the surface didn't dissipate fully. He would always be the boy who stole her first kiss from her, one she hadn't wanted to give.

They'd talked for a short while, about her return to Forks and his job on the Quileute council and it had only taken five minutes for each of them to realise that they had next to nothing in common outside of the fact that their fathers were best friends. They parted ways with a smile and Bella let a sigh of relief that that chapter in her book had finally been closed.

Charlie had been completely moved out of what was now her house by the start of spring break and Bella had spent the week driving back and forth between Forks and Port Angeles in a truck she borrowed from Seth (in exchanged for a hilarious amount of frozen casseroles and meat loaves) picking up furniture, both new and second-hand.

Room by room, she'd begun the slow process of cleaning and painting and with her mother's guidance via Skype, had successfully refurbished the few items of furniture Charlie had left behind that she hadn't donated. She loved her father but his knowledge on fashionable furniture both began and ended with his recliner.

Her father had smiled when he'd come over to help her sand back and repaint the kitchen cupboards and they'd worked in steady, companionable silence as the yellow gave way to a clean white that breathed life back into the formerly sad looking kitchen. Paired with pale mint walls, the room looked larger and more inviting that it ever had.

Despite the hard work and the hours she had poured into making the home her own, however, Bella's sleep had lessened in quality each night she'd not heard from Edward and the tugging in her chest that she'd felt steadily since she'd met him had only gotten worse. The pain was constant now and she knew, deep down, that it would remain with her, unyielding, until Edward came to her.

The more tired Bella became, the easier it was for the numbness to sweep through her. She felt herself falling slowly but surely into the same sea of emptiness she had in Chicago, the weariness settling deep into her soul.

This time, however, she feared she wouldn't be able to climb out of it, that she would be swept away by the waves.

* * *

"Bella," Alice said hesitantly, the Friday the week that school had resumed, pulling Bella from the small reverie she'd fallen into in the moments after having dismissed her class. She pulled her attention from her desk, where her eyes had been staring at nothing while she unconsciously rubbed at the ache in her chest and looked up at Alice, who she'd asked earlier to stay back for a minute and smiled at her. It was a bright sincere smile, one that came less freely than it had a month before.

She moved from her seat to the cupboard near the window and pulled out the project she'd worked on the night before, the one she'd hidden before the class had begun.

Alice gasped with delight the moment her eyes met the vase that Bella had made from her cast, that was now home to a handful of baby's breath that she'd bought at the grocery store the night before.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said, her voice soft and her mouth smiling.

"Thank you, for that day," Bella told her with a small smile, unsure of how much emotion to show. She knew Alice liked her but she was still Edward's 'sister' and knew that her loyalty was to her brother.

Alice hugged her then, a little too tight once again but it didn't stop Bella from hugging her back. When they parted, they shared a smile.

"It'll all be okay, Bella," the girl told her, squeezing her hand gently, filling Bella with warmth, despite its coldness.

Bella smiled back at her, sadly and not quite believing it. Her hope was almost completely diminished but she could still feel it, the last of it that refused to depart despite the fact that night after night, her phone remained silent.

* * *

An hour later, Bella was singing along softly and slightly off-key to David Bowie when the deer ran across the road in front of her car, causing her to swerve.

She wasn't sure what happened to make her tyre blow out but the sound had made her jump in surprise as she pulled onto the shoulder of the road to check the damage.

She stepped out of the car and in the direction of the tyre, not looking to see where she was stepping.

She tripped then, over a fallen branch and fell, hitting her head on the side of the car on her descent.

And then all she saw was darkness.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

When Bella woke, she found herself in a white room with distinctive fluorescent lighting and plain, beige blinds.

She was in the Forks Hospital.

She let out a low groan and moved to sit up, only to be stopped by a firm hand on her shoulder. She looked up, following the hand to the arm to the shoulder it was attached to and eventually her eyes met his.

Edward.

 _Of course_ , she thought. _Of course it's_ him.

"Don't move," he said in a low voice, one she'd heard from many a doctor and one that made her immediately struggle to disobey. "You have a concussion, any sudden movement may make you feel dizzy or sick."

"I've had concussions before," she pointed out dryly, trying to ignore the fact that her head was swimming with pain and not wanting to admit that the movement had indeed made her feel dizzy.

He ignored her and moved to the small remote that controlled her bed and lifted the portion of it beneath her pillow until she was sitting upright.

Avoiding his gaze, her eyes moved to her arms and she groaned aloud at the sight of the drip in the back of her hand. She hated when they put them in her hands, the bruises always lasted for weeks after and were far harder to cover up from curious eyes.

"What happened? I can remember driving and a deer but not much else," she said, struggling to keep her voice neutral and her gaze from his. She hadn't seen him in a month and a minute was not near enough time to decide how she wanted to handle being in the same room as him.

Because, as much as she'd like not to think about it and to simply chalk it up to the fact that he had told her that it was far too dangerous for them to remain close, he had still rejected her.

"You got out of the car to check your tyre and tripped and hit your head. You needed stitches," he told her and she watched from the corner of her eye as he moved to take the seat next to her bed.

Confused, she turned to look at him, wondering why he'd sat down and it was then she noticed that he wasn't wearing a lab coat and his usual work outfit. He was dressed casually, in dark jeans and a navy blue knitted jumper that looked so great on him she might have blushed if she hadn't just realised how completely and utterly annoyed with him she was.

He hadn't talked to her for weeks, had completely dismissed her feelings and now sat in the chair beside her bed like nothing had happened?

Not for the first time in her life did Bella wish that she was the confrontational, dramatic sort. That way, she might order him to leave or throw the box of tissues sitting on the table next to her at him (not that they'd do much damage).

"How long have I been here?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm. She didn't look directly at him and kept her gaze on his shoulder instead of his face. She was tired of seeing his eyes go cold when they talked.

"For an hour, you've been in and out since then," he said and she heard the emotion in his tone but chose to ignore it.

"How did I get here?"

He didn't open his mouth to answer and a second later she knew that he'd heard Charlie walking towards her door because he was just then walking through it. He shook his head with a wry smile as his gaze met hers and she shrugged apologetically back at him.

"Bells," he said, exasperated as he made his way to where she sat. He dropped a kiss to her forehead, his moustache tickling her slightly and nodded to Edward.

"Lucky of Dr Cullen to have found you before nightfall," her father said, relief in his voice and Bella stiffened at his words, turning once more to Edward.

"You found me?" she asked, her tone the slightest bit biting. She still focused her gaze on his shoulder.

"Yes," he said and then moved to stand to give Charlie his seat.

"No, you stay," her father said to her horror. "I have to get to the house so Sue can grab some stuff for Bella, seeing as she'll be here over night and you're more useful here than I am."

Charlie kissed her forehead again and gave another shake of his head to her, wished her a good night, told her that he loved her and then he was gone again.

"Overnight?" she asked and this time, the frustration and irritation in her tone was clear as day.

"You have a concussion," Edward said, again sitting down and she groaned in reply.

"Why can't I just go home?" she exclaimed, already knowing the answer but regardless, remained annoyed.

"Do you live with a qualified medical professional?" he asked and she could almost hear the small smile in his voice.

"I was thinking about getting a cat, I'm sure I can teach him CPR," she bit back with a huff.

"A cat?" he asked and her chest tightened at the curiosity in his voice. It had been so long since she'd heard it.

"I live alone now." Was her simple reply. _And it's lonely_ , she finished in her head.

She lowered her head to her pillow and stared at the foot of the bed, noticing for the first time that the pain in her chest that had been plaguing her for weeks was lessened considerably. She rubbed at the spot reflexively and heard Edward take in a breath.

She turned to face him then, fully and telling herself that she didn't care whether or not his eyes would be liquid or hard when they met hers.

They weren't either, exactly and he looked almost scared as their eyes met.

"You can leave now," she told him, trying to keep her face blank.

"Bella-" he started but she interrupted.

"You don't have to worry about telling me this means nothing. I get it, it's fine. You can leave now," she said, her voice even and strong. She turned her head back to face her feet, not wanting to watch his face change, whether that change be warmer or colder.

He said nothing and made no move to leave so she opened her mouth to speak again, this time however, her tone changed, becoming softer and quieter.

"I get it, not wanting to be with me. I've had a month to think about it and as much as I didn't want to accept it, there's no denying it."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he asked and she fought and failed not to turn and look at him. Her eyes met his and she nearly gasped at the expression on his face.

He looked sadder than she'd ever seen him.

"I'm human. I'm fragile, probably more so than any other person I've ever met. I'm always tripping and falling and breaking skin and bones. How could I ever keep up with you? Especially when I start getting older and it eventually gets worse. There's no way that I could ever be a good match for you," she all but whispered and she watched as anguish twisted his face and he pulled his gaze from hers, looking at the floor, his jaw clenched.

"Bella, you have no idea how far from the truth that is," he whispered, his voice strangled and just loud enough for her to hear it. He slowly lifted his head and when his eyes met hers, a tear finally fell from the corner of one of her eyes.

"You don't have to worry about me anymore, Edward. I'll leave you alone now," she told him.

"There's so much you don't know," he said and his face was and open picture of an inner struggle that she wished he would share with her.

"You don't have to worry about it anymore," she said, determined to absolve him of any responsibility that he felt he must have had in regard to her. Her voice cracked however and he moved from his chair then, to stand by her bed.

"If you knew everything, you might not feel the same way about me, if you even do anymore," he whispered, lifting his hand to her cheek and the pain in her chest receded the instant that his skin touched hers. "You might not even want to look at me."

"Then don't tell me," she whispered, another tear falling.

"Bella, I have never wanted _anything_ in this existence more than I want you," he whispered with liquid eyes, an admission that made her heart leap with hope she hadn't dared feel so deeply in weeks.

"Then _have_ me, Edward" she said, her eyes heavy and her head swimming.

She lost consciousness before he could reply.

* * *

When Bella was awoken gently by a nurse an hour later her gaze immediately turned to the chair she expected to find occupied only to find it empty. She swallowed and turned her attention to the nurse, who was talking so quickly that Bella couldn't quite keep up in her already distracted state.

The woman left quickly, after having shot Bella a heated look that she didn't notice. Her mind was too tied up wondering whether or not she'd dreamed the entire exchange with Edward.

She sighed quietly and turned her face back to the chair beside her bed and then she noticed it.

An origami swan sitting on her nightstand.

She let out a gasp, followed by a tear-filled laugh.

Because printed on the wing facing her, in handwriting that might have taken her breath away on its own were the words _you pierce my soul._


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Bella sat in a wheelchair, her father at her side as she signed her discharge papers. Both the paperwork and the wheelchair policy were high on the list of things she loathed about being admitted to a hospital.

She was tired despite the sleep she'd gotten (having someone wake you up hourly to make sure you hadn't fallen into a coma was not her idea of a good time). She was excited to be able to go home, however, knowing that she had the day off work to recover the sleep she lost, even if she had been woken up by Edward each time after the first.

He'd explained with a grimace that he'd asked the nurse to tell her that he'd had to start his shift early and that he would be back as soon as he could. She'd bit her lip in an effort not to smile, glad that he was the kind of man who did not see the harm in lapping up the attention from other women, the kind to brush off flirting and call it harmless.

He'd checked her over, his cold hands gentle as they checked her pupils and she smiled softly when he whispered that she could go back to sleep because after the words left his mouth, she felt it press gently against her check.

She had been awake for mere minutes between checks and each time he urged her to sleep instead of talking and if she hadn't been so tired, she might have been annoyed with him ordering her around. Her heart had leapt each time she woke to find him standing by her bed and after the third or fourth check she was no longer afraid that he would leave.

The final time he woke her, he told her gently that she would be able to go home soon and so she'd remained awake after he'd finished her check, leaving the room after informing her that his shift would go until noon but that he'd visit her at home afterwards if she wanted.

She had nodded in response, not trusting her mouth to say okay without asking him a thousand questions. After he'd left, she'd turned her face to look at the swan sitting on her bedside, hope bursting from her chest.

Despite her feelings for him, however, she'd decided that this was it, his final turn at bat, one strike away from being out. She wouldn't sacrifice more of herself than she already had for Edward Cullen, even if she was in love with him.

Charlie had arrived not long after she'd woken, with a desperately needed toothbrush and deodorant, just enough to see her through to getting home to have a real shower. He'd also brought a blueberry muffin that she'd eaten far too quickly to ever be considered lady like but after having vehemently refused the offer of hospital food for the night, she hadn't cared for food etiquette.

"Thank you," Bella said, handing back the finished forms to the nurse at the front desk who bit back a thank you through clenched teeth.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes and groan. Apparently arriving at the hospital in Edward Cullen's arms – unconscious or not – was seen as a personal attack against the single (and married) female staff (which she had noticed, was larger than ever).

A nurse then took hold of her wheelchair and Charlie moved to walk beside her as she wheeled her out, almost unsafely fast. "Easy!" Charlie warned in that Dad tone that had frightened the life out of her as a child. It was one of the reasons she'd always been so well behaved.

The nurse immediately slowed and Bella wished she could look around to see the look on the woman's face. They stopped a few moments later, just outside of the entry doors and Bella stood, taking her father's arm and turned to thank the nurse but saw that she'd already turned to leave.

"I thought you said things had calmed down after you filed that complaint," Charlie said, moustache twitching in annoyance.

"They had," Bella replied, climbing into the passenger seat of the cruiser. "But apparently, being carried into the ER by Edward Cullen, even bleeding and unconscious is a capital offence."

Charlie cleared his throat at she turned her head to see him watching her carefully. "Edward? Popular with the nursing staff, is he?"

"No," Bella said with a small smile. "And that's why they're mad."

"Oh," Charlie said and they fell into silence as her Dad drove.

"Do you um…like him?" her father asked as they pulled into her driveway. Vaguely, she noticed that her car had been repaired and returned.

"Yes," she told him honestly. "We've been friends for a while."

"Friends?"

"Just friends, Dad."

He shifted uncomfortably and she wanted to smile. "Do you think that will change?"

"Maybe," she said, not knowing the answer but desperately wanting to.

He nodded and changed the subject, telling her to call if she needed help and to take it easy. She hugged him, thanked him and then climbed out of the cruiser, waving goodbye as he pulled away.

When she entered the house her gaze immediately went to the wall clock in the hallway, noting that she still had three hours before Edward would arrive. She stopped to take a few deep breaths before making her way upstairs.

She took a couple ibuprofen and replaced the bandage on her forehead with a waterproof one before stepping into the shower, the water as hot as she could take it.

She washed her hair, shaved her under arms and legs and let the hot water work its magic on the tension in her shoulders.

When the hot water finally started giving out, she stepped out of the shower, pulled a towel around herself and made her way to the vanity mirror, which covered in steam from the heat and shrugged to herself, it was probably for the best that it be covered and she didn't want to start criticising her reflection because a guy was coming over.

Not just _any_ guy, a voice in the back of her mind said, _Edward_.

She ignored the voice and blow dried the roots hair – out of necessity, not vanity. It would take hours for all of it to dry if she didn't and the chill wasn't worth the small amount of time ensuring that all of the roots were dry.

She left it down after that, pulling the sides of her hair into a small bun at the back so that it was out of her face and moved down to the lounge room, determined to find something to do that didn't involve staring at the clock, willing time to move faster.

Moving into her bedroom, she pulled out a set of clothes she would have worn normally; a long, maroon skirt and a long sleeved black t-shirt made of comfortable stretchy fabric. She left her feet bare.

She started some grading that she'd planned to leave for the weekend but found three pages deep into an essay on Frankenstein, that she couldn't will herself to be interested.

She ate some yoghurt and looked online at local cat adoptions for a little while, not finding any that really called to her before giving up and picking up the phone and calling her mother.

Renee talked her ear off for an hour, almost successfully taking her mind off her anxiety.

Almost.

But then she had to go and Bella was once again left alone with her thoughts.

She called Mr Banner then, apologising for leaving him short staffed for the day and while he was the voice of understanding and kindness, she still felt a pang of guilt. Only this would have happened to her. She hung up after promising to be back the next day and closed her eyes.

"Do _not_ look at the clock," she muttered quietly to herself before she opened her eyes and looked straight at the clock.

Half an hour.

She sighed and shifted so that she was lying down, her body fitting perfectly between the armrests on the couch and closed her eyes again.

She was asleep in minutes.

* * *

It was the sound of her doorbell that woke her and she sat up so quickly she made herself dizzy, needing to take a second before she stood and made her way over to the door, her heart racing.

She stopped and laid a palm on it for a moment before opening it, taking a deep breath to centre herself, knowing that this would either be the end of them, or the beginning.

Edward stood on her doorstep, glasses gone, still in the clothes he'd been in when she'd last seen him, his shirt wrinkled and his hair a mess.

In his hand he held a small bouquet of wildflowers, tied simply with a length of lavender ribbon and dangling from that ribbon a small card.

He said nothing, handing her the flowers and she took them with a shaky hand and eyes wide with wonder. No one had ever brought her flowers before.

She lifted them to her face, inhaling their sweet perfume with a small smile before lowering them to read the card.

In handwriting identical to the one that had been on her swan it said: _I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever._

She sucked in a deep breath and looked sharply up to him.

"Do you mean it?" she demanded to know. "Do you mean this?"

Edward let out a breath and she watched as he dropped his guard completely, looking at once older and younger. He met her gaze intensely, brown and butterscotch colliding with emotion.

"I can't stay away anymore," he said. "I don't want to live for the rest of my existence regretting not taking the chance on us." His words, she could tell immediately, were honest and her heart almost leaped out of her chest.

They said nothing for almost a full minute, gazing at one another before she pulled her bouquet into her chest and spoke, her voice soft. "Would you like to come inside?"

She watched as his shoulders relaxed and his face brightened.

"Yes," he said, nodding at her eagerly. "Yes, I'd like that."


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

They sat either side of her three-seater dove-grey sofa, a bargain someone had been selling in Port Angeles almost brand new for less than a quarter of its original price.

Bella sat with her feet on the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest and her gaze on Edward.

He sat with his feet to the floor, turned slightly towards her and she could see the anxiety starting to overtake the happiness they'd shared just a few minutes before.

She watched him for a moment before making her decision. It only took another glance at his clenched fists for her to move, lowering her knees and lifting her skirt enough to be able to manoeuvre herself over to sit beside him. When she was finished, their thighs were pressed against one another and his tightly clenched fists appeared a little looser.

She held out her palm and watched silently as he un-fisted his hand and accepted her invitation, twining their fingers with no hesitation.

"Tell me about being a vampire," she prompted softly.

He breathed in and out before playing along with the game they hadn't played in weeks. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Tell me everything."

"I was born Edward Anthony Masen in 1901…" He told her about his parents, the little he admitted he remembered about them, the lawyer and the concert pianist and growing up in Chicago. He told her about the city she and he both now hated for the memories of pain it brought each of them and about the arguments he'd had with his parents about going off to war during his final months of being human.

"I wanted to make a difference, I suppose but I mostly just remember the promise of honor and glory it was supposed to bring."

And then he told her about the Spanish Influenza.

"It claimed my father first. I don't remember much more about it other than the fact that it happened quickly and that my mother refused to leave his side until he was gone. They loved each other and me, a lot but it cost her and when I refused to leave her, it cost me too.

"We met Carlisle at the hospital we'd been taken to. He was there a lot, more than any other doctor and my mother knew there was something about him, something that stopped him getting sick when all of his colleagues started falling ill too. She begged him to save me when she was dying. She made him promise that he'd do anything to make sure I didn't die too."

Bella squeezed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder, her eyes full of tears for Elizabeth Masen.

"How old were you?" she asked, remembering faintly that the Influenza swept through around the early 1920's and realising that she still didn't know how old he actually was.

"I was seventeen," he admitted, his voice not much louder than a whisper. She took in a quick breath and thought about what he'd just told her. That even now, his body was frozen at seventeen and that hers was still aging, seven years ahead of him.

"Oh," was all she said in reply. She couldn't see his face but she could feel the tension in his shoulders, could sense the anxiety rolling off of him in waves.

"It's harder, because of my age, to claim to be much older than I am now. I use the glasses and clothes and sometimes makeup to hide it but after a while people still notice that I don't have wrinkles, that I could still pass for someone in college. I didn't want to hide my age from you intentionally but I understand if it would be a problem for you," he said and she could feel the sadness in his words, the pain in them.

She remained silent for a few moments, taking the time to think about it, to decide if it truly did bother her. It didn't, she realised. She told him so and he breathed a sigh of relief, nuzzling the top of her head with his.

"Your mother asked Carlisle to change you," she prompted, wanting to get back to what he'd come that day to tell her.

"He nearly didn't do it. He changed his mind a hundred times before he finally bit me and for the longest time, I hated him for that, for being so indecisive. I hated him for nearly letting me die and I hated him for this existence. For years, he tried to make it up to me. He still tries to."

Edward's fingertips caressed their joined hands and he dropped a kiss to her hair before continuing.

"He saved Esme's life in 1921 and it wasn't long after her change that they realised they were mates," his voice is soft and fond but Bella hears hints of something else hidden within them.

"Mates?" she asked, curiously.

He pulled away enough for them to be facing each other and squeezed her hand gently before answering her.

"When we're changed, we're frozen in time. Our likes, dislikes, personalities become practically set in stone. It's why children aren't to be changed, they would remain impulsive and erratic for the rest of eternity. Mates are one of the few changes that can occur after our change and for the longest time I didn't believe in it the way that everyone else in my family did. To have one person be your perfect match after being cursed to this life?" he chuckled darkly and shook his head.

"I didn't even believe I had a soul, how could I believe that I would ever find its mate?" his eyes were sad as they met hers and she reached up to cup his face, her thumb stroking his cheek bone.

"Believed?" she asked, not missing a thing.

He smiled at her sadly. "I found my soul last night, when you rubbed your chest because it ached like mine has since I first saw you."

"It's me? I'm your mate," she stated, her tone disbelieving.

"You're my mate," he told her and she could hear the truth in it but still couldn't quite comprehend.

"I'm _human_ ," she said.

Edward smiled, his eyes bright with adoration. "Human or not, Bella, it's you."

"It's me," she whispered and it started to finally dawn on her. She was his mate, she was his match.

"I could never love anyone the way I love you," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her on the nose. "You're it."

"You're it, too," she said, smiling softly, her emotions painted on her face. She lifted their connected hands and dropped a kiss to his before lowering them again. "What happened after Carlisle changed Esme?"

Edward grimaced comically. "Rosalie."

"She was hurt, dying and Carlisle saved her but it wasn't his only motivation. He had hoped that she and I…" he trailed off but she understood what he meant. Edward looked at her and smiled a little sheepishly.

"Oh," was all she said in reply.

"There was no way in the world though," he assured her. "Rosalie's mind is not something I could spend all day, every day listening to."

Her head tilted at his choice of words and he noticed, biting his lip, waiting for her to ask.

"Listening?"

"I can...read minds," he admitted rather sheepishly.

Her cheeks immediately flamed in response as she thought about every embarrassing thought she'd ever had around him. "What?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

"Not yours," he interjected quickly and her face flamed impossibly hotter. "I can't read yours." His words were an attempt at soothing her but had the opposite effect.

"That's almost more embarrassing!" she exclaimed with a groan. "Is there something wrong with me?"

Edward shook his head and pulled her further into his side. "You don't know how wonderful it is to be around you and just hear your voice, to hear what you _want_ me to hear. I don't get that kind of peace with anyone else."

She almost sagged as the tension in her body left her. "Well I suppose that's okay," she almost huffed and she smiled as she felt his body shake with silent laughter.

"So, Rosalie?" she prompted, desperately wanting to change the subject.

"She and I fought, a lot after she was changed and Carlisle and Esme tried and failed to mediate between us every day but she was angry, so angry and she didn't want to listen to reason. She hated more than anything that I could read her mind."

"Why was she so angry?"

"Rosalie _always_ wanted to be a mother. Her entire life, she pictured having children and when Carlisle saved her, she survived but she lost that dream, that life. It wasn't until Emmett that she really believed she had any reason to live."

Edward didn't speak for a few minutes after that and she was glad he was giving her time to process all of this new information, including the fact that she and Rosalie had each had their chances at having children taken from them.

"What happened with Emmett?" she asked when she was done processing and she leaned up to kiss his cheek for recognising that she needed time to do so.

"Emmett was mauled by a bear, the only fight he's ever lost with one. Rosalie found him and brought him to Carlisle. I was angry with her for it, for taking away Emmett's choice after hating Carlisle for taking away hers but I didn't understand it then, that she would have felt it."

"Felt this?" Bella asked, touching her free hand to that spot in his chest where the ache appeared.

"Felt that," he confirmed, looking at her so softly that she blushed.

"What about Alice and Jasper?" she asked, wanting to know more about her favourite student, her new friend.

"They joined us in 1950. Jasper was changed during the Civil War and Alice, we believe, was changed in the 1920's but we don't know who her sire was or why they changed her. She woke alone, with no memory and only her visions to keep her company," his voice was soft as he spoke about Alice, like she was more than just his sister, she was his friend too. When he'd spoken about Rosalie, it reminded her of the way that big brothers often spoke about little sisters, with exasperation, irritation but always with a hint of affection.

"Alice has visions?" Bella asked curiously.

"Of the future," he said. "Some of us, when we're changed, develop abilities. Jasper is an empath, I can read minds and Alice can see the future, to a degree. It's subjective, so if someone changes their mind, the vision usually changes. Decisions need to be made for her to see what could happen," he explained and she wasn't sure what question she could possibly start with.

But a second later, she did.

"Did she see me?" she asked slowly, feeling like she already knew the answer.

Edward nodded. "She saw you twice. Once when you decided to take the job here and once in 2005, when we had originally planned to move here. We had planned once before, a few years before but Carlisle had decided to spend another year in London, so we'd waited."

Bella sucked in a breath, counting back, realising she would have been seventeen at the time. "Why didn't you come?" her voice was sad and her heart ached, knowing how much time they'd lost and at the thought of everything that had happened in the time between.

"Because when Alice saw you, she saw two possible futures," he breathed, his voice taught with tension. "In one, you were like us and in the other you were dead. In the other, I had killed you."

She let out a low gasp and gripped his hand tighter. "Edward," she whispered sadly, knowing how much it must have plagued him.

"I made them wait until you were gone and it was safe to come but I didn't realise what would happen to you because of that decision. I just knew that I didn't want to be the end of you, this girl I'd never met. I _still_ don't want to be the end of you," he breathed, the pain on his face making her heart ache painfully.

That was it, she realised, that was why he'd pushed her away for so long. Because he'd known that there had been a future in which he'd killed her and he still feared it, that possibility from nearly a decade before.

She moved, pulling her skirt up and manoeuvring herself onto his lap, straddling his legs so that they were eye to eye and she cupped his face in her hands.

"It wasn't your fault, what happened to me. It wasn't mine either but it was the hand I was dealt and I survived and I pushed through, even when all of the misery threatened to pull me under. You have to know, Edward, that you _cannot_ possibly be the end of me, because you're the _beginning_."

He replied by pressing his mouth against hers, in a kiss that neither of them would ever forget.


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

When Bella pulled into the Forks High School parking lot the next morning, she was both surprised and not surprised to find Alice Cullen standing next to her parking spot, a wide cat-who-ate-the-canary smile on her face.

She parked in her spot, her cheeks flaming. She couldn't help it, thinking about the fact that the night before, she'd been straddling the girl's brother on her sofa, had his lips on hers.

She'd never had any sort of relationship before; she hadn't been ready in high school and in college, her one attempt had ended up with her in the ICU.

Grabbing her things, she stepped out of the car and made her way to where Alice stood, biting her lip to hide her smile. It was nice knowing that Alice was supportive of them, that she liked the idea of the both of them together.

When Bella stood in front of her she beckoned the bouncing girl to follow her and they made their way to Bella's classroom, the both of them smiling.

"You can't imagine how much I've wanted to talk to you, about everything," Alice stated, her eyes bright with happiness and what appeared like relief.

"You could have given me a heads up," Bella said, her voice only half teasing. She had really needed something in the past month, something that might have made her feel a little better about the ache in her chest and the hollow, empty feeling in her stomach.

Alice's smile faltered, reading Bella's face. "I can only see what _might_ happen. He needed to make the decision and I didn't want to give you false hope."

Bella smiled at that, knowing Alice spoke the truth. "I wish he would have made up his mind a bit sooner though."

Alice laughed loudly, throwing her head back. When she stopped, she did it leaning against Bella's desk, her face turning serious. "I know my brother and he never would have stopped feeling guilty about having just given in to being with you. I think he needed to try to stay away, thinking in his idiot masochistic way that he was keeping you safe by leaving you alone."

Bella bit her lip but nodded. She did understand why he'd stayed away but she couldn't help but still feel hurt by it and that it being him cutting off their friendship more so than whatever had been starting to emerge from it.

"You'll have to come and meet everyone now," Alice said, pulling her from her thoughts.

"What?" Bella asked, her eyes widening.

The vampire's face fell at the look of shock and unease that flashed across Bella's face.

"You'd be safe," she assured her but her voice had lost the excitement it had held a moment before.

Bella shook her head and swallowed. "It isn't _that_ , not at all. It's just that, well, I've never done the whole 'meet the family' thing before."

Alice immediately brightened, her face shifting into a wide smile that might have frightened someone else. "It will be fine! Esme can't wait to meet you and neither can Carlisle, in a non-official capacity, that is. And Emmett's just excited to meet you because he has about a million questions to ask you, vampire to human."

"And Rosalie?" Bella asked and watched with slight dismay as Alice's wide smile fell a fraction.

"She'll come around. Even she can't ignore the fact that Edward's been alone for nearly a hundred years and this is the first time anyone has _ever_ drawn his interest."

Bella blushed at that but liked hearing it. She liked knowing that she was the only one who'd ever turned his head.

"He and I, we still have some things we need to work out but when we do…" she trailed off, her mouth turned up in a smile. She was looking forward to meeting his family, the vampires who had turned away from their natural instincts in order not to hurt people, to be the best versions of themselves that they could.

Alice grinned at her in response.

* * *

When Bella pulled up to her house after driving home from work, she was happily surprised to find Edward sitting on her front porch, a well-worn book in one of his hands and a small bunch of flowers in the other.

She climbed out of her car and took him in, windswept hair and a bashful smile and didn't try to stop the wide smile that found its way across her face as she made her way over to him, noticing that his glasses were nowhere in sight and neither was his car. He ran, she realised.

"Hi," she breathed when she was a few feet away.

"Hi," he replied and, having stood in the time between her getting out of her car and standing in front of him, he leaned down to drop a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

He took her bag from her after handing her the flowers, this bunch made up of wild lavender and turned to let her open the front door to let them both in to the house.

"How was your day dear?" he asked as he followed her into the kitchen. She carefully placed the bouquet into an empty cup and turned to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He reached out and dropped her bag on the table before embracing her back.

"It's better now," she replied softly, her head resting against his un-beating heart. "How was yours?"

"Perfect now," he answered, kissing her hair.

They stayed wrapped up in one another for a long while before Bella pulled away, her cheeks pink and her brown eyes shining with happiness.

"I need to go change," she said, gesturing to her outfit. "Be right back."

She tripped once on her way up the stairs in her hurry to get back to him. She never would have thought herself to be the affectionate type before but she felt almost compelled to be in the same room as him, to be in his arms.

"Ow," she muttered, as she finally made it to her room, having taken the corner into her doorway too narrowly and bumped her elbow into the wooden frame.

She was kicking her shoes off at the foot of the bed when the thought occurred to her. She looked up at her bed and frowned.

She held it while she changed into a pair of black leggings and an oversized navy sweater and then called out, in a voice just a little louder than her regular one. "Edward."

He was there in a moment, knocking softly on her closed door. She opened it swiftly and he barely had a foot in when she started talking.

"Do you sleep?" she asked "You work all night and half of the way and you've never talked about it before."

"No, I don't sleep," he said with a bashful grin. She let out a breath, loudly.

"What do you do to rest?" she asked, her brain not really processing the information as fast as she'd like but in her defence, she knew she'd been given a lot of information in the past twenty four hours.

"I don't need to. We feed when we need it and it fills us with energy. I don't get tired, physically," he explained and she nodded slowly, before moving to sit on the end of her bed.

She looked up at him and watched the realisation that he was standing in her bedroom sweep over his face. She blushed and knew that if he could, he would be too. "So, this is my room."

He said nothing, moving slowly toward her with his eyes taking in everything around him, from her worn purple quilt cover, to the old photos on her walls and smiling when he spotted the well worn Austen's on her nightstand. He stopped moving when he was a few feet away from her and held out his hands. She took them without hesitating and he pulled her gently upwards. She stumbled, however and fell into his chest. She let go of one of his hands to steady herself.

She bit her lip and moved that hand, up from his chest to trace her fingers along his jaw and cross his cheekbone.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered to her as her fingertips ran down his nose.

"Really?" she asked. In all her life, she'd never truly felt as though she was. She'd felt pretty a time or two but she had honestly never felt beautiful.

"Truly," he whispered, leaning down to capture her mouth with his own.

She'd read book after book in her life, each of them describing kisses. Monumental, life changing, branding, consuming, the list went on and on.

Kissing Edward Cullen didn't feel like any of those things.

It felt like breathing after holding your breath underwater. Like finally, _finally_ getting the air you desperately needed to breathe.

It felt _right._

He opened his mouth slightly and she followed, gasping a little as his tongue brushed against hers ever so slightly before he pulled away, resting his forehead gently against her own.

"I think," he said slowly, a few seconds later but shook his head at his own words. "No, I _know_ that all of this time spent just being wasn't for nothing. This existence isn't for nothing. I was just waiting. I needed to wait, to find you, to love you. It makes sense, more sense than anything in this existence has ever made. I love you, _so much_ ," he whispered.

Bella didn't hold back the smile she felt all the way to her soul. She moved her head upwards to brush her lips against his once before pulling back so that there was only a breath between them.

"I have loved none but you," she whispered against his lips.

She felt his answering smile against hers.


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

It took two days before a student asked Bella about Edward. It was during first period, less than five seconds after the chattering group were seated at their desks that one of the bubbly girls burst out with the question, as though she couldn't have possibly contained it another second.

"Are you dating Dr Cullen?" Vanessa Cross asked her, the young girls face alight with awe.

Bella blushed brightly and bit her lip before answering with just the slightest nod of her head. More than one gasp filled the room and she blushed brighter.

"You're _so_ lucky," the girl whispered, meaning every one of her words.

"So is _he_ ," one of her more boisterous male students murmured just loud enough for everyone to hear. The class laughed aloud then but she noticed more than one head nodding in agreement with the fifteen year old.

Bella didn't stop blushing for half an hour.

* * *

"So I heard you're no longer 'just friends' with Dr Cullen," Charlie muttered, days later, as Bella chopped vegetables for salad at the counter, her phone on loud speaker. Edward was standing next to her, stirring pasta sauce at the stove. It was a job they both knew he could do with minimal chance of ruining it. Cooking might be the only thing Bella knew for sure that she was better than him at.

"Umm, yeah Dad," she said, her face turning pink. She looked up at Edward to find him smiling at her, slightly smugly.

"Nice family," her father said gruffly and she couldn't quite make out whether or not he was happy or sad about the fact that his daughter had a boyfriend for the first time in her life.

"I've only met a few but they seem really friendly," Bella said truthfully.

"You'll have to bring him around to meet me," Charlie said and for the first time since he'd called, Bella wanted to smile at the tension in her father's voice.

She knew why Charlie wanted to meet him and she wanted to laugh at the thought of her father, the police chief, telling her vampire boyfriend what would happen to him if he ever hurt his only child. She was wanted to smile because she knew deep in her soul, that Edward would give his life to save hers, that he'd do anything in his power to protect her.

"I will, Dad," she said and she meant it. She and Edward had talked in the days since they'd officially started 'dating' and they'd both agreed that they wouldn't hide their relationship.

"He treating you alright?" her father inquired and at that, she did smile, straight at Edward.

"If he wasn't, I'd be calling you to help me hide the body, Dad," she teased and she watched as Edward's shoulders shook with silent laughter.

"That's my girl," Charlie Swan muttered proudly.

* * *

"So, how exactly would you plan on killing me?" Edward asked, an hour later after he'd sat with her while she'd eaten dinner and then had helped her wash and dry the dishes.

They were now sitting on the couch, each at either end, their legs and socked feet tangled in the middle. She was writing reports and he had a medical journal magazine propped open on his knees.

They spent almost all of the time between Bella getting home from work and Edward going to work together each night in the days since they'd decided to be together. It was easier than breathing, Bella thought, being around him.

It felt natural to her, despite the fact that she had never in her life really craved the company of others. When she'd lived with her mother, she'd often find herself spending hours alone in her room for a reprieve from the woman and her father was much like she, so he hadn't needed the constant companionship her mother had.

In Chicago, she hadn't ached for another person to be in her room with her every waking moment of the day, she had longed to be around someone who cared if she hadn't eaten anything in two whole days.

It surprised her though, how much she wanted to be around him but knowing at the same time that she didn't need his attention. She simply loved being in the same room as him, being able to look up and find him typing away at his laptop or reading a text book. And she loved even more that he felt the same.

"I can't tell you all of my secrets, Dr Cullen," Bella teased, sending him a wicked grin.

"I'll get them eventually, Miss Swan," he replied, looking at her in a way that made her want to shiver.

Yes, she thought, her mind going to the freshmen from a few days earlier, she was _very_ lucky.

* * *

 **JUNE**

"So, that went well," Edward grinned, his eyes bright with amusement as he manoeuvred her car out of the barely visible turn off to his and his family's home.

They'd just spent the past few hours there with Bella officially meeting everyone as Edward's girlfriend. They'd put it off for a few weeks, so that Bella could focus on grading and finals and Edward could ensure she was comfortable meeting his family. They both knew she'd been nervous but the more time they spent together and with Alice who spent many an afternoon with them, it had finally been time.

Bella turned to glare at him before exclaiming, "That was _awful!_ "

"Bella," he said, shaking his head in amusement.

"I wanted to make a good impression," she groaned, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Hey," Edward said, reaching over a hand to place on her thigh. "You did great, under the circumstances."

She sighed. "I don't really suppose there was any way I could have planned a response for Rosalie telling you that of all the poor decisions you've ever made, this was _by far_ the worst."

"Don't forget the part about her telling us that she wasn't going to help him get rid of your body when I eventually slip up and kill you," he added brightly and she turned to look at him to make sure that there wasn't anything underlying his words. A glance at his face told her that there wasn't and she felt both proud and relieved of hour far they'd come in the past month. He no longer doubted himself as sharply as he had before.

"I can't believe she said that," Bella groaned. "And I can't believe what I said back! Why didn't you stop me?"

"I don't know, love, I didn't quite expect you to offer to pen your own suicide note to get us off the hook in case that day ever comes," he said cheerfully, giving her knee a squeeze, ignoring the scorching glare she was giving him.

"I can't believe I said that. That is not okay to joke about and I should have just ignored her. Now she's never going to like me," she said miserably. She was angry she'd quipped back, joking about suicide and annoyed that she'd said anything back at all. She had prided herself on being level headed before she'd met Edward Cullen.

"Sweetheart," Edward said gently, parking her car in the driveway. He turned it off and then unclipped her seatbelt, pulling her into his lap. "Rosalie might not like the situation but she liked the way you fought back. She'd never admit it but she does want to see me happy and she's glad that you're not some meek girl who didn't stick up for our relationship or for me."

"Really?" she asked, her face clearly displaying her disbelief.

"Really," he told her and she could hear the honesty in his voice so she nodded, reaching up to land a soft kiss on his jaw.

"You were nervous about me meeting them, weren't you?" she asked, noticing how the tension that had been evident on his face before they'd left her house that morning was gone, replaced with happiness.

"It's hard already, with you being human and being around just Alice and I regularly. Adding everyone else in the mix is harder because I trust them but there's still a part of me that's terrified. I don't know what I'd do if you were hurt because of me," he said softly.

Bella thought about it for a few moments before speaking. "You'd leave," she told him, her voice said. "You'd leave before I could get hurt again."

Silence filled the car.

"I can't tell you that you're wrong," he told her a full minute later. "The danger I present to you on a daily basis would give me nightmares if I could sleep. But if I did leave, you must know it would be the hardest thing I'd ever - in this whole existence - have to do."

"If you ever left me, Edward," she whispered, looking out of the window instead of up at him. "It would _destroy_ me."

Her hand gripped his tightly and a tear fell down her cheek. He lifted his free hand to wipe it away before using it to guide her face upwards until their gazes are locked.

"I won't leave you," he promised with such force that she knew he spoke the truth. "Not ever."

They kissed and for the first time since she'd met him, Bella felt her mortality so sharply that it hurt.

They kissed and Edward wondered how he could ever possibly get her to agree to give it up for him.


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

 **JUNE**

"Bella?" Edward asked as he made his way through the front door, using the key she'd gifted him the second week they'd started officially seeing one another. Something, she had admitted with flushed cheeks that had only taken so long because she'd been waiting for the town's only locksmith to come back from vacation and cut her a new key.

He could have gotten in without it but they had both liked what the key represented; that they were together and could have some semblance of normalcy despite the fact his heart hadn't beat in nearly a century.

"Through here," she called and he followed the sound of her voice through to her backyard. It was six at evening and while he usually saw her right after he finished his shift (with her now being on summer break) she'd asked him to wait to come over, that she was spending the day with Alice and Esme. He'd spent the spare time hunting, something he usually did between the times the both of them usually finished work.

"Why are you outside?" he asked with amusement, not that she could hear him but he knew Bella and besides hiking to the meadow, his girl was not an outdoor person. He opened the screen door but stopped when he fully took in her back yard.

There were lanterns everywhere, hanging from almost every branch of the many trees that lined her yard, casting a soft glow onto the makeshift dancefloor that had been set up in the middle of the grass.

But the thing that made him stop and stare was the woman standing in the middle of that dance floor, smiling at him.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," she whispered as she smiled, her painted pink mouth beckoning him in a way that made him uncomfortable. Her hair was curled and pinned into an elaborate up do, a few strands falling softly around her made up face and she wore a soft pink dress with a square neckline, layers of chiffon falling to kiss the floor around her. It was the kind of dress the women had worn out in the 1910's, the kind of dress he remembered had made him tongue tied as a teenager.

Apparently as a 110 year-old vampire as well.

"Bella," he breathed, his feet taking him closer to the dream in front of him and he wondered not for the first time since he had met her, how she was even real.

"You didn't tell me it was today, so Alice, Esme and I had to scramble for ideas. It's not every day your boyfriend turns a hundred and ten," she teased, her brown eyes dancing with happiness and then he was finally, finally in front of her.

"You did all of this for me?" he asked, his voice full of awe as he took her hands in his, instantly relishing in the warmth they brought him.

"I had a lot of help. They'll be here soon, we just didn't want any of them close enough to ruin the surprise. Do you like it?" she asked, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, drawing his attention.

"I love it," he breathed, shaking his head in disbelief. It was extraordinary. He'd never had reason to celebrate his vampire existence before, until her. "I love you."

She grinned then, brilliantly, making all else pale around her. "I love you, too," she replied and he could have sworn he could feel it, her love because it radiated out, filling his chest with warmth.

He kissed her for a long while before his family arrived and all of them, even Rosalie, did not hide that they were happy for him.

And then he changed into clothes they'd prepared for him and then he danced and laughed with his girl and his family, wondering how much he'd time he'd have to play Emmett in Call of Duty for to get him to fly to Chicago to collect the ring that sat in a safety deposit box there.

A ring that he wanted to see on Bella's hand.

Soon.

* * *

 **JULY**

"Your Dad _hates_ me," Edward complained as they walked through the front door, having just gotten back from a dinner at Charlie and Sue's that had been a tense, very awkward affair despite the fact it was the third time they'd done it.

Unfortunately for Edward and Bella, however, it was the first time they'd had dinner since Charlie had gifted Sue an engagement ring and she had in turn gifted him with the pack's secrets. One of those being that his only child was dating a vampire.

"He's just a little worried that you'll accidentally bite me and drain my blood while we're making out," she said teasingly. In her opinion, it hadn't really been that bad but apparently whatever her father had been thinking had made Edward feel more than a little uncomfortable.

But in truth, she knew Charlie _was_ worried about that happening. He was also worried that Edward would hug her too tight and crush her but more pressing to Charlie was the fear that Edward would take her away and change her, severing their link forever.

She had Jacob to thank for that because she'd discovered, the week she and Edward had reconnected, that Jacob Black was a werewolf. That piece of information Edward had gifted to her after she'd told him that she had plans for dinner with Sam and Leah, the former of which had once been the alpha of the La Push pack.

He'd told her how it had all come about, how three nomadic vampires had arrived on the reservation in search of easy prey, only to set off a chain reaction of wolves turning for the first time in generations.

The wolves had managed to take down two of the vampires but the third had evaded them for months, seemingly disappearing and then making herself known by killing nearby towns.

Only when Edward, Alice and Jasper had arrived to ready the Forks house for the arrival of their family and aided the wolves, did they finally manage to destroy her.

But not before she had managed to severely injure one of the wolves, whose life Edward had saved, securing the treaty they had made year before, for another generation.

 _"_ _They have a pack mind when more than one of them is in that form, all of their thoughts flowing at the same time. It's fascinating to hear, particularly for the ones who have imprinted," Edward had told her while they'd put up shelves in her spare room (or, more accurately, he did while she watched)._

 _"_ _Imprinted?" she asked, curiosity taking her attention away from the faded jeans he wore and more importantly, how well they fit him._

 _"_ _The legend implies that when a wolf sees his mate, he imprints on her. She becomes the focal point of his world, she's all that matters. She's in every way, his soul mate. It happened with Sam first, he and Leah had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party the weekend before they were supposed to get married and Leah's cousin Emily showed up._

 _"_ _He said it was like everything you've ever loved before paling in comparison to her. Like everything that makes you you falls away and she's the only thing that matters and it's almost impossible not to give in to it."_

 _Bella interjected, asking. "But he didn't give in, did he? I mean, he and Leah are obviously still together."_

 _Edward shook his head. "That's because he ran off, phased and wandered through the Canadian wilderness for three months before he came back, the urge to see Emily finally becoming unbearable. By the time he made it back home though, Leah was four months pregnant. She'd found out while he'd been gone and as soon as he saw her, the imprint started breaking and continued to break until she had the baby and then it was gone, completely."_

 _"_ _So, it's about breeding?" she asked, a little disgusted._

 _"_ _Stronger wolves," he confirmed. "Billy and Jacob are still spewing the garbage about soul mates, however."_

 _"_ _Huh," she said, thinking back to when she'd seen Jacob and the flash of disappointment she'd thought she'd seen flash across his face when he'd spotted her._

 _"_ _What is it?" Edward asked, pulling her into his arms._

 _"_ _I think Jacob might have been hoping that_ I _was his imprint," Bella admitted, her nose wrinkling._

 _Edward's chest rumbled and she jumped a little when she heard the growl he released but one glance at his face had her biting her lip. She'd never thought she'd find jealousy attractive but then she'd never met anybody who looked at her the way that Edward did._

 _"_ _You're mine," he all but growled and she grinned at him, her body tingling as he pulled her further into his body._

 _"_ _All yours," she agreed, leaning in to touch her lips to his neck, smiling as she felt his answering groan._

 _She giggled as she felt him pull her up but the sound was lost as he met her mouth with his own, claiming hers with an intensity that held a promise she prayed he'd keep._

 _Their physical relationship hadn't progressed to anything more than kissing in the previous months but the length and intensity had surpassed anything she knew that Edward had ever expected. The more time they spent working at it (not that it was a chore) the easier he'd told her it was and so they'd practiced. A lot._

 _"_ _Edward?" she asked, breaking the kiss. They'd moved so that she was straddling his hips, the layers of clothing between them doing little to hide his arousal – or hers._

 _"_ _Bella?" he asked, his eyes bright with lust and adoration, a combination that took her breath away._

 _"_ _Will you touch me?" she inquired, her voice soft with shyness._

 _He stilled and the hands resting on her waist flexed and she watched as emotion after emotion flickered across his face. She bit her lip as she waited, her cheeks flushing as the moment grew longer._

 _When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse. "Will you show me how?" he asked her and a slow smile found its way onto her face before she leaned down to touch his mouth with hers, her tongue flicking against his top lip as she pulled away._

 _"_ _Come upstairs," she answered in a husky whisper._

 _They went upstairs and with hungry kisses and cautious but eager hands, Bella taught Edward where to press and stroke to make her come apart. When she finally came down from her high, she demanded that he teach her how to do the same to him and after a few seconds hesitation from him, he did._

"Edward?" Bella called, ten minutes after they'd arrived home, from her bedroom where she'd been taking off the lilac dress she'd worn to dinner. She'd left him downstairs to pace and mutter to himself about her father, who Bella knew still liked Edward, he just wasn't quite sure how to trust him.

"Yes?" he answered, having appeared in her doorway his expression switching quickly from unease to lust as he took in her standing in nothing but a matching cream set of lacy underwear that she'd purchased the day before in Port Angeles.

Confidence in her body was another gift he had given her during the weeks they'd transitioned from kissing to exploring. Neither were in a rush to move onto anything else but with each heated look and brush of his hands or mouth, Bella found more and more confidence in her appeal. And moments like then, when with one glance at her she could push away his anxiety, she felt powerful and sensual, things that had evaded her in the time before she realised what a healthy, give and take relationship looked and felt like.

"Are you still thinking about dinner?" she asked, the corner of her mouth pulled up in a smirk that made him step forward.

"Not even a little bit," he told her and her smirk grew as he approached before it was lost in his mouth and his touch.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

 **AUGUST**

"He did a wonderful job on these shelves, didn't he?" Esme said, her voice warm and her face soft as she and Bella sorted Bella's books and placed them onto the shelves she and Edward (but mostly Edward) had put up for her.

They were a rich, deep brown, the wood something Edward had insisted on buying himself and while she'd protested at first, she'd seen how much he'd wanted to do it for her, and relented.

The shelves lined what used to be her father's bedroom top-to-bottom, giving her the library she'd always wanted.

"He did," Bella replied with a wide smile, one she regularly wore nowadays. "He also put up the one in the living room, either side of the mantle."

He'd made good on his promise to help her with the house, making up for the weeks he'd not been in contact. He had spent weeks with his brothers, fixing things Bella didn't even know needed fixing. They'd replaced the old, never-used fireplace for a gas one that looked like a wood fire and probably had a price tag that would make her wince but when her father had seen it, he'd nodded at Edward in approval and Bella had been so pleased that she hadn't bothered arguing about the price with him.

And when she'd gotten home the week before after having breakfast at the diner with her father, she'd taken one look at the three male vampires doing who-knows-what to the bathroom that had not looked the way it had when she'd left that morning and had sucked in a breath before looking at Edward and declaring, "I'm going to watch a movie in Port Angeles, maybe two."

"It'll be done by the time you get back but you'll have to shower at the family house tonight," Edward said, his face apologetic and more than a little bashful in a way that made some of the frustration inside of her dissipate.

"No more after this, Edward," she told him and he must have understood the authority in her tone because he nodded, moving toward her to drop a soft kiss to her mouth.

"No more after this," he'd promised.

Later that day, when she was freshly showered and dressed in a loose, floral dress that swept down to her bare feet, she stood in Edward's bedroom.

He sat behind her, reclined on the black leather sofa watching her warmly over his laptop as she stroked her fingers over the spines of his CD's and books, biting her lip when she reached his copies of Wuthering Heights and Persuasion. Books she knew he owned purely because he knew how much they meant to her.

"I love you, Edward," she'd whispered reverently without turning to look at him. He'd been behind her a second later, sweeping her hair off her shoulder and dropping a soft kiss to the spot where her shoulder met her neck.

"I love you, too," he'd whispered back.

Esme pulled her out of her memories when she spoke. "It doesn't look like your books will be able to full even two thirds of these shelves, let alone the ones in your living room."

"I know," Bella said with a shy smile, one that immediately gave away her plan.

"Oh, Bella, when?" Esme asked, her eyes bright with happiness. She, Alice and Carlisle had been their most vocal supporters.

"I'm going to ask him tonight," she said, smiling. He was in Port Angeles for the day, having taken a rare day off work to give free health checks at their local library with some staff from Forks and Port Angeles Hospitals. "This summer has been the best time I've ever had and when school goes back, I don't want to limit the time we could be spending together."

Esme grinned at her before wrapping her in a distinctly motherly embrace. When they pulled apart, they were both smiling.

"I'm so glad he found you, Bella. He's never been this happy before," the vampire said, her voice warm with emotion.

"Neither have I."

* * *

"Bella?" Edward called as he made his way through the front door. He could hear that she was up in the now-library but he liked the normalcy of calling out to her when he walked into her house.

"Up here!" she called back and he grinned as he made his way up her stairs, only a tiny bit faster than human.

"Hey," he breathed as his eyes locked on hers, taking in her flushed cheeks and her messy hair with not a small amount of adoration. _Beautiful_ , he thought, as he did every day.

"Hi," she replied, reaching for him. Their skin touched as her hand met his and he smiled as the peace swept through him, the calm making its way through every cell of his being.

He grinned down at her before touching his mouth to hers. Usually, when they'd been apart for more than a few hours the kisses weren't so chaste but he wanted to talk to her. He pulled away and opened his mouth to do so when another thought swept him away.

"Are these all of your books?" he asked, his eyes taking in all of the space still unoccupied. She'd told him she'd need all of the space and he knew Esme had come over to help her today, so he'd expected all of the shelves to be filled.

"Yep," she told him with a wide smile. He frowned.

"They don't even fill half of the room," he pointed out, the free space bothering him. He'd wanted her to have a room filled with books and comfortable chairs. He wondered if she'd accept a ridiculously expensive gift card for Amazon.

"I know, it's perfect," she replied and he moved his gaze back to hers, taking in her happy expression.

"For what?" he asked, confused. Not for the first time did he wish he could read her mind.

"For your books!" she announced, "Esme and I worked it out and almost everything will fit in here but your CD's can go in the living room."

 _Oh_ , he thought.

And a tiny fraction of a second later, _OH._

"You want me to move in with you," he stated, his face brightening, hope flooding through his veins.

"I want you to move in with me," she confirmed, still smiling. "The closet space isn't great but I'm sure if I let Alice at it, she'd make enough room-"

She was cut off as he lifted her in his arms, her legs automatically wrapping themselves around his waist and she breathed a happy sigh as he pressed her back gently into the empty shelves.

"You want me to live with you?" he asked, needing to hear it once more.

"I want you with me, all of the time," she told him.

He grinned then, leaning down to capture her mouth with his own.

* * *

It wouldn't be until later that he'd gather enough coherence back to tell her what he'd wanted to when he'd first walked into her house.

"Bella?" he asked, taking her attention away from the dress she was buttoning back up.

"Yeah?" she replied, her voice soft and her eyes heated as she took in his state of undress. It was a look that nearly made him lose his train of thought once more.

"I quit my job today."


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

 **SEPTEMBER**

"Love, you have to wake up," Edward said, amusement in his voice as he held the quilt away from Bella who was glaring at him, her hair a mess and her arms reaching to snatch it back.

"I'm not going," she muttered, her tone snooty in a way that made her sound like she was eight but she didn't care, she just wanted her blanket back.

"It's the first day back at school, I think it's a little early to start taking vacation days," he teased as she sat up, arms folded, eyes narrowed at him.

"I think I liked you better working nights," she lied and he lost whatever hold he'd had on his amusement and threw his head back and laughed at her.

Edward had quit his job at the Forks Hospital the day he'd been in Port Angeles, volunteering his time to help run a free clinic at the library, one that had led him to meeting Dr David Talbot, a man who owned his own practice, charging only the bare minimum to help people receive the care they needed but who was struggling to meet demand running the program by himself.

 _"_ _I told him I didn't care about being paid. I have enough money, more than anyone needs. It's good work, the kind that makes me feel good. I don't think I've ever felt more needed than I did today and it's going to be an adjustment but-" Bella cut him off, pressing her mouth to his and then pulling away to look at him, her eyes filled with tears and her lips curved up into a smile._

 _"_ _It's wonderful, Edward," she told him, her heart swelling at the passion in his voice and on his face. "You're such- you're such a good man and I know you don't always feel like you are and I am so honoured to be with you, to be your mate."_

 _"_ _Bella," he breathed her name, cupping her face and stroking his thumbs along her cheek bones. "What did I do to deserve this?"_

 _She gave him a watery smile. "You believed in this. Us"_

Edward now worked similar hours to hers and had decided with a light in his eyes he'd never possessed before, that he _really_ enjoyed waking Bella up.

"You're annoying," she grumbled, wiping the sleep from her eyes. He chuckled again and she could almost feel his eye roll.

"Are you sure?" he asked and she looked up to see him holding a tray he had definitely not been holding seconds before. Her eyes immediately moved to the steaming cup of coffee on it and she sighed in defeat, her eyes softening.

"You're the best," she admitted as he rested the tray on her lap, a smile making its way onto her face as she saw the stack of perfectly round, fluffy pancakes.

Cooking, she had found was a source of frustration for the love of her life. Excelling in everything he tried, Edward had been immensely irritated to find that he didn't even know how to cook toast and he'd nearly burnt down the kitchen thrice before he'd discovered that he could cook something and he was terrific at it.

And Bella found that suddenly pancakes were her favourite food in the world.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, sitting beside her in bed as she sipped her coffee, savouring it. He'd bought her a fancy coffeemaker after having watched her swear and growl when her old, second hand one had finally given up the ghost. It was so good, she didn't even complain.

"Yes," she admitted quietly. It had been the first time she would be running classes from beginning to end, creating plans and notes and spending so much time going back and forth between book choices and asking everyone for theirs that eventually Rosalie had put in her opinion.

 _"_ _Choose something you love, not something you'll think they'll like. Classes are always better when a teacher is passionate about what they're teaching."_

Bella had been so stunned it had taken her a full five seconds to stutter out a thank you.

"You'll be wonderful," he told her and she looked up at him, at his earnest, beautiful face and smiled.

She believed him.

* * *

He watched with a smile as Bella pulled out of the drive, waving to him as he stood by his car, ready to drive to work himself. The commute was slightly annoying but the job gave him a satisfaction that made the extra time in the car well worth it.

He smiled as he thought about Bella's race to get ready that morning, at the excitement in her eyes when she talked about her plans to get her students engaged by making them help her decorate her walls once more.

He loved her more than anything he'd ever thought possible.

And that was why he was going to ask her to let him change her.

He couldn't keep putting it off.

"Soon," he told himself.

* * *

It was past midnight, which meant that it wasn't her birthday anymore.

She was tired and sated, Edward having used his hands and mouth to wring an immeasurable amount of pleasure from her body in the few hours they'd been home.

They'd spent the early evening with her father, having a more relaxed dinner than they'd had since Charlie had learned the truth about Edward in which even Sue seemed calmer and the hours afterward with his family, who had been excited to throw a birthday party for the first time in decades.

She'd received way too many presents, even from her father who had bought her a newer, much nicer stereo for her car. He'd reluctantly admitted as she was leaving that he'd asked Edward what he thought she'd like. It had made her smile and she knew that even though it made him uncomfortable, that her father would be willing to overlook his reservations about Edward because it was obvious how happy he made her. Happy in a way she'd never been before.

Edward's family had gone way over the top, flowers and streamers and expensive food that had made her moan and then immediately blush. Emmett was the only one to laugh out loud but the rest had smiled as though they were hiding it and thought she was embarrassed, she was happy about how well she fit into his family, how she didn't have to be anything other than herself around them.

They'd gifted her flight vouchers to visit her mother and clothes and gift cards for almost every bookstore chain she'd ever heard of and they'd sung her happy birthday loudly (even Rosalie) before she blew out the candles on a cake that Esme had travelled to Port Angeles to pick up.

Edward had given her his present that morning, waking her by pressing kisses on the skin not covered by her lavender camisole.

She'd teared up when he'd clasped the white gold chain around her neck, the clear diamond heart coming to rest just above her breasts. It was his mother's he'd told her, a gift from his father that she's not lived long enough to see set in anything for her to wear. She'd kissed him in reply, her happiness evident every time her hand came to rest on it.

She'd had a wonderful day – the best day of her life – if she were being honest but every time she'd opened card with the numbers 25 on the cover, she hadn't been able to stop the ache in her stomach at the sight.

She was eight years older than him now and she knew she couldn't keep pretending like she was okay not knowing how much longer she would have with him because she loved him more than anything in the world but she didn't know if she could survive watching herself wither away at his side, leaving him to live without her.

She wasn't sure if he could survive it either.

"Edward?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper and his hand paused from where it had been tracing patterns into the bare skin on her back.

"Yes?" he asked, his warm, butterscotch eyes moving from his hand to meet her chocolate ones.

"I need to know, Edward," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion and she watched as confusion swept along his face, his smile disappearing.

"Need to know what, sweetheart?" he asked, moving his hand to stroke her hair.

"I need to know if I'm going to stay human or if…if you'll change me," she told him, a tear falling from the corner of one eye.

"Bella," he breathed and she felt his body stiffen.

"I love you and our life – I do. And if you want me to stay this way I will but-"

"I want to change you," he interrupted her and it was her turn to stiffen. Her eyes widened in shock when she realised he was serious.

"You do?" she asked, needing the confirmation.

"If you'll let me," he whispered, moving his arm to pull her into his body so that they were eye to eye. "I thought I could but I can't… _I can't watch you die_."

"You want me? Forever?" she asked, reaching up to press her hand against the skin and bone covering his unbeating heart, almost an impossible task with how close they were pressed against one another.

"For eternity," he promised.


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

 **OCTOBER**

"Dad? Can you please say something?" Bella begged, watching her father as he stared silently into the dark lake water his fishing line was cast into. They were both sitting on the dock and she'd just told him that she wasn't going to stay human, that she was going to let Edward change her.

"Why, Bells?" he asked her, his voice flat and one glance into his blank expression had her flinching.

She took in a deep breath and let it out, staying quiet for a few seconds before responding. "I love Edward, Dad. He's my best friend and he makes me feel like I'm flying but it's… it's _more_ than that. It's the fact that my wrist aches half the year and that my leg aches all of it. I'm tired of tripping and falling and being covered in bruises." She was whispering by the time she was finished, blinking through tears.

"Bells," Charlie breathed and she looked up to see him watching her, his eyes sad and his face resigned. She wondered then if he'd worried about this, after all Sue had told him.

"I don't want to hurt anymore, Dad," she admitted, her voice soft. "I want to be strong."

She watched silently as her Dad reeled in his line and stood, placing his fishing pole on his chair and moved over to hers. Her breath hitched as he stopped to kneel in front of her chair, taking her hands in his and looking up at her with those dark eyes she saw when she looked into the mirror every day, the ones he'd shared with her.

"You're not weak baby," he murmured and a sob ripped free from her chest. "You've been through a lot, more than most people ever have to but I don't want you to _ever_ say that you're weak."

"I want to do this, Dad, for me too," she whispered, squeezing his hands.

"I know, baby and I want you to know, it doesn't matter what you are, you're _always_ going to be my little girl."

* * *

It was almost six o'clock in the evening when Edward pulled into the drive way, Bella's car already parked in her spot and not for the first time did he wish that she'd let him buy her something nicer.

She'd protested loudly the one time he'd brought it up though, telling him that Charlie had bought it for her and that she loved it and it had taken him one look at the seriousness of her expression for him to realise that it was a battle that he was not going to win.

He smiled as he took in the porch light, the one Bella switched on as soon as the sun started falling each afternoon, regardless of the fact she knew he would be able to see his way clearly inside without it.

She liked lighting his way.

He just didn't quite know how to explain to her that she did all of the time.

He smiled as he climbed out of the car, pulling his briefcase with him and the smile slipped from his face as soon as he heard it.

Crying.

Coming from their bedroom, the window cracked enough for the sound of her quiet sobs to carry with perfect clarity.

He was there in a moment.

"Bella," he breathed as his gaze fell on her, clutching her pillow to her chest and sobbing.

Hearing his voice, she jumped and moved to sit up, wiping her eyes to look at him making his way over to her.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he asked, sitting on the bed next to her. He lifted his hand to push her hair away from her face and her eyes fluttered closed at his touch, a tear escaping down her cheek.

"I talked to my Dad today," she whispered, her voice rough, her eyes swollen with tears. She'd been crying a while, he realised.

He felt his chest tighten and he moved to cup her face, wiping her tears away. "Did it not go well?" he asked, feeling far more fear than he'd care to admit. He was terrified of her changing her mind, of realising that the price of being with him might be too high.

She shook her head. "He got it. He said it was okay, that I'd always be his daughter, I just-"

She stopped mid-sentence, another sob escaping.

"Realised how much you're going to miss him," Edward finished for her, his voice gentle as he pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her as she cried.

"And my Mom," she told him through her tears.

He fought the urge to suck in a breath before making a decision and talking.

"Bella, I don't want you to change just for me, not if you don't-"

He was cut off as she lifted her head to look at him, her eyes wide, her tears stopping.

"Edward, I want this," she said with such conviction he felt a weight lift from his shoulders. "I'm going to miss them but with my Dad knowing and my Mom being content with phone calls and emails, I'll get to talk to them and after they're gone…I'm going to miss them, _so much_ but I won't ever have to worry I wasted the time I had with them."

"You're sure?" he asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"I want this for me too. I guess it just sort of hit me today, that one day I'm going to have to live in a world without them," she told him, her eyes sad.

"We'll take videos and fill journals and make sure we have as much of them as we can for that day, love. We'll keep them with you," he told her, wanting her to have the memories the rest of his family didn't.

Bella sucked in a breath and nodded, moving her head to drop a kiss to his hand.

"I love you, Edward Cullen," she whispered, her breath tickling his skin.

"I love you more, Isabella Swan," he replied.

* * *

Before she fell asleep that night, sitting beside Edward in bed as he typed away at his laptop, Bella opened a new notebook she'd found in her desk and started writing.

 _My Dad is the steadiest man I've ever known_ …


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

 **NOVEMBER**

When Jacob Black pulled into hers and Edward's driveway one afternoon into the second week of November, Bella wasn't surprised.

In fact, she wondered what had taken him so long.

When she'd told Charlie of her plans weeks before, she'd done it knowing that he would tell Sue and that she would tell the Quileute Pack.

He stepped out of his black car – different from the old restored Rabbit he'd owned years before and looked up at her house, at her standing in the window watching him, with a blank face.

His clenched fists gave him away, however.

Bella felt a flash of irritation at him, knowing he'd timed his visit so that Edward wouldn't be around but that she would be.

She sucked in a breath watching him walk up the front path and ground her teeth as she moved to open the front door to him, plastering on a fake smile as she did.

"Hello, Jacob," she greeted him, purposefully standing in the walkway so that he couldn't enter.

"Bells," his voice was cold, his eyes hard and she smothered back a huff at the use of the nickname. Her father was the only one she liked using it.

"Can I help you?" she asked, her voice surprisingly not giving away her unease. She wasn't happy he'd chosen to confront her alone.

"We need to talk," he ground out and she let the smile fall from her face, making his eyes narrow.

"What could we possibly need to talk about?" she asked, her voice growing colder with each word.

"The huge mistake you're making," he hissed, the anger that was bubbling beneath the surface finally revealing itself.

"This is none of your business," she replied hotly, taking him by surprise. Even when she'd furiously broken off their friendship, she'd done it coolly, calmly and he'd never seen her show so much as a flicker of fury before.

"You can't let him turn you into a monster, Bella!" he nearly shouted, stepping forward and she moved to close the door in his face.

He stopped her, using his leg to hold the door open. She resisted the urge to kick it.

"Leave," she demanded.

"I won't let you do this," he murmured, his eyes narrowing possessively and she felt colder as fear began to twist her stomach.

"I don't belong to you, Jacob. Leave!" she ordered, her heart racing as he pulled the door from her grip and forced his way into the house.

"You need to listen to me, Bells. You need to understand," he whispered, gripping her upper arms tightly and shaking her. She whimpered in pain and struggled to pull free.

"Get your hands off of her, Mutt," a cold voice hissed from the doorway.

Bella turned her attention from Jacob to see Rosalie and Jasper walking into her house, their bodies stiff with tension and anger.

It was Rosalie who had spoken, her devastatingly beautiful face full of fury.

Jacob didn't move.

"I'll tell you one more time, get your hands off of her," she demanded and Bella let out a breath as he let her go, immediately stumbling back away from him.

"Jacob, leave," Bella said as she rubbed her arms, already feeling the bruises that would appear over the course of the next few hours.

He turned his attention away from the two vampires and trained his gaze back on her.

"Bells, you don't want to be like them," he said, acting as though he was trying to make her see reason, his tone similar to one a person might use on a child.

"You don't have the first clue about what I want. You never have," she stated, glaring at him.

He flinched.

"Edward and Carlisle have dedicated their existences to saving lives. Esme and Rosalie spend thousands of hours a year going shelter to shelter, donating money and time to helping people who need it. Emmett and Jasper build furniture that they donate to families in need and Alice makes durable, wonderful clothing that she sends to just about every third world country.

"Don't tell me that I'm making a mistake, wanting to be a part of this family or that they're monsters. Not a one of them has ever hurt me the way that you have today, Jacob Black. Now, for the last time, _get out of my house and leave_ ," she ordered quietly.

"I just don't want you to be like them," he whisperd, his eyes full of tears that told her he'd heard her, he just didn't want to listen.

"I'm still going to be me," she told him.

His face hardened, the wet in his eyes drying up.

"No, you won't," he muttered darkly.

And with one final glare at her and a look of disgust at Rosalie and Jasper, he left.

Rosalie closed the door behind him and Bella rubbed her face with her hands before looking up at the vampires.

They were both beaming at her.

* * *

"What are you doing over there, Little Bell?" Emmett asked on Thanksgiving evening as the Cullen's lounged in their huge living room, the younger vampires taking turns playing video games while Carlisle and Esme watched and Bella wrote in her journal.

She'd had lunch with Charlie and Sue earlier in the day, Sue spending much of the morning cooking with Bella glancing guiltily at the bruises that were still on Bella's arms almost two weeks after her encounter with Jacob, who had been ordered by the Quileute elders to leave her alone after a very tense meeting with Carlisle and Edward, the latter who barely had a lid on his anger. The rest of the pack had also (surprisingly) sided with Edward and Bella, after they'd heard that Jacob had hurt Bella.

Charlie was pissed about the bruises, having not seen them before then but having known what had happened, so pissed he'd left for an hour before lunch and had come back looking so eerily calm, Bella had wondered what he'd done to Jacob.

"He'll not be coming near you again," Charlie said and Edward let out a dark chuckle, having seen whatever her father had done in his mind, something that made Charlie throw him a cocky grin. It was one of the few times Edward had been open about being able to read Charlie's mind. It was blanker than most humans, Edward had told her but nowhere near as blank as hers.

When she'd asked Edward about it later, he'd refused to share and had instead chuckled and shaken his head. She'd fumed about it for about three seconds before letting it go, not really caring a lick about Jacob Black after the way he'd acted.

They'd had lunch after Charlie's return, a little tense with Seth being a member of the pack and Sam being a former one but they'd grown to like and trust Bella and Edward and so nobody had mentioned it again, turning their attention to the little boy at the foot of the table attempting to charm them all and they'd finished the meal with smiles.

Later, they'd driven to the Cullen house, where Esme had made far more food than Bella could dream to eat in an entire day and they'd all sat around the huge dining table while she tried, joking and laughing with another until Bella declared it was not humanly possible to eat any more.

They'd moved into the living room afterwards and the merriment continued as they laughed at Emmett desperately trying to beat Edward and Alice in every video game they owned and failing miserably.

"Cheats," Emmett had muttered and Bella had laughed, drawing his attention away from the game to where she lounged with her head on Edward's lap with her journal open, pen in hand.

"Human bucket list," she told him, answering his question, penning _donate blood_ underneath, _get a tattoo_.

"What have you got on there?" Rosalie asked and Bella looked up, surprised at her interest. Despite the fact they'd grown closer since her encounter with Jacob, she knew Rosalie was firmly against Bella becoming a vampire.

"Things I won't be able to do after I change; get a tattoo, get drunk, go scuba diving without scaring everything away," she explained, handing Rosalie the journal Bella had been filling out the past month.

She and Edward had agreed on a date after the incident with Jacob, a timeline that gave them both a little more control of the situation. They were going to quit their jobs at the end of the current school year and travel for the summer holidays before settling in a remote property in Alaska, where she would be changed and they would stay until she had enough control for the both of them to return to society.

"What kind of tattoo were you thinking?" Rosalie asked and Bella moved her gaze up to Edward, who was looking down at her and back to Rosalie.

"I don't want to decide on anything just yet," she replied, her eyes motioning to Alice. "I want it to be a surprise."

Rosalie nodded and moved her gaze back to the pages in front of her, a smile spreading across her face. "You know, we can do this one now."

"Which one?"

"Number 10," Rosalie said and Bella's eyes widened so much the vampire laughed.

"How?" Bella asked, shocked. Number 10 was _smoke weed_ , something she hadn't really thought about doing before but she supposed she might have in college if she had had the opportunity and hadn't been stalked and shot.

"Esme has a plant in the greenhouse. Emmett bought it as a joke and she hates letting anything die so it just sits there," Rosalie explained and she felt the couch beneath her shake as Emmett realised what they were talking about.

Her gaze shot up at Edward. "Um…" she said, not really sure how he'd feel about it.

He grinned down at her. "Want to do it?" he asked, wanting her to have the most human experiences she could possibly have in the time left.

She moved her attention back to Rosalie. "Let's do it."

Hours later, Bella somehow did manage to finish off the last of the huge feast that Esme had made her and she'd done it with the Cullens around her laughing affectionately at her dopey grin and the mashed potato she'd somehow managed to get in her hair.

It was the best Thanksgiving she'd ever had.


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

 **DECEMBER**

The first week of December saw Bella laying down on a massage table in Seattle, a woman with pink hair and colourful arms pressing ink and a needle into her skin.

She'd driven to Seattle with Esme and Alice, the former who was going shelter to shelter writing cheques and the latter buying fabric and wool to take home with her.

They'd shared a smile when Bella asked to join them, knowing exactly why she'd wanted to accompany them, having heard her phone call with the tattoo parlour to book her appointment after she'd learned when they were going.

It was going to be a Christmas present to Edward, her tattoo.

Something that would disappear with her change but something she knew he'd never forget and something she knew he wouldn't let her forget either.

She breathed deeply as the needle entered her skin again and again, pushing the dark ink in and she hoped that a few blocks down, Alice could not see what she had chosen.

* * *

When Edward arrived home that evening from a day spent playing video games and wrestling with his brothers, he did it with a smile, as he did every day.

He opened the front door, closing it before kicking off his shoes, smelling the peppermint candle burning in the living room (a scent that didn't smell completely like dirt) and hung his coat by the door. He made his way into the living room, where he found Bella curled up in one of the corners of the couch, her hair pulled into a haphazard knot at the crown of her head, tendrils framing her soft, gorgeous face.

She was wearing one of his t-shirts, an old band one he'd owned for over twenty years that Alice had nearly managed to throw out ten times since, a pair of shorts that showcased soft, smooth thighs and a pair of forest green cable knit socks that went over her knee.

His second thought was that they were adorable as hell.

His _first_ thought was imagining her rolling them down, wearing nothing else.

"New socks?" he asked, leaning against the door jamb, not hiding the look of hunger he knew was on his face. They'd spent so much time learning one another's bodies that he was almost certain they would be able to make love without risk soon and he knew that they were both eager for that night.

"Yeah, I bought them today-" she started saying, sticking a finger in her book to hold her place before looking up at him. She noticed his expression immediately because she'd stopped speaking as soon as it registered; the lust painted on his face.

She sucked in a breath and he felt himself stiffen in his jeans as she bit her lip, her cheeks flushing with arousal.

He pushed off of the door frame and made his way over to her, grinning as she flung her book to the side and reached for him as he reached for her.

Their lips were pressed together a moment later, opened mouthed, their tongues battling for dominance as Edward covered Bella's body with his own as she reclined on the couch.

It was when Edward moved to take his shirt off of her that the scent hit him.

"Are you okay? I can smell blood and…antiseptic cream," he said, pushing himself off of her and frowning.

She sat up slowly, her cheeks flushed and her lips swollen.

"I umm, got a tattoo today," she admitted with a smile and a shrug.

His eyes widened. "A tattoo?"

She nodded.

"Can I see it?" he asked and she bit her lip, shaking her head at him.

"It's kind of your Christmas present," she told him, her eyes alight with joy. "Or one of them, at least."

"Really?" he asked, the thought of her inked skin making the ache between his legs return to the forefront of his mind.

"You'll find out in a few weeks," she said with a smile.

"Where is it?" he asked, his gaze moving down her covered body.

She could hear her grin as she spoke. "My hip."

His gaze moved back up to hers as he moved to cover her body with his own, her back reclining once more against the couch cushions. She bit her lip with a grin as she felt his length pressed against her.

"Your hip?" he asked, his voice hoarse with arousal.

"My hip," she whispered, her tone matching his and he grinned as he moved down to kiss the woman he loved.

* * *

"Love, what are you doing?" he asked, later on Christmas Eve while his mate moved the quilt from their bed to the living room, where the Christmas tree they'd decorated together flashed with lights.

"Bucket list," she replied simply as she spread the quilt out in front of the fire place, where she'd padded the floor with couch cushions.

She was wearing those socks again, the ones that made him almost wild. There was something about the layer of skin between them and the shorts she wore that brought out the teenager in him, made him want to see more of her (not that he didn't always want to see more of her).

He watched with amusement as she made her way up the stairs again to come back with their pillows and more blankets from the cupboard in the hallway.

"We're sleeping down here?" he asked, padding across the living room to where she was arranging their pillows, hers closest to the fire.

"We are," she confirmed, looking up at him with a smile that made his undead heart want to beat again.

She was so damned pretty.

"I like this bucket list, you know," he told her as he wrapped her in his arms, revelling in the warmth her body produced, wishing he could do the same for her.

"It's a good list," she said into his chest as she nuzzled her cheek against his shirt.

"Tired?" he asked, stroking her hair.

"Not really, I'm too excited," she admitted, moving her head to smile up at him, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"Me too," he said, his mind going to the ring in his pocket. The one he was going to present her with, in an hour, at precisely midnight.

She pulled away from him and pushed herself up on her toes to press a kiss to his lips. "I'm going to have a shower, dry my hair and I'll be back down."

He nodded, pressing another kiss to her mouth and then she was making her way upstairs while he remained in the living room, looking at the makeshift bed with a soft smile and softer eyes, his fingers playing with the ring in his pocket.

* * *

Bella's heart raced even as the hot water poured over her body, the water doing its job to relieve the tension in her shoulders and back but not the nervousness coursing through her veins.

She was going to show Edward her tattoo tonight, she couldn't wait until tomorrow.

It had finally gotten to a stage where it didn't look swollen or scabby and she was excited but she wasn't Alice and she couldn't see the future to determine whether or not he would even like it.

She hoped he would.

But it still didn't make her any less nervous.

Because, tonight, she had decided, she was going to ask Edward to finally make love to her.

* * *

Edward silently paced as he listened to Bella shower and then blow dry her hair, his mind going from one scenario to another as fast as lightning as he waited for her to finish.

What if she said no?

Or if she didn't like the ring?

He had thought about having a ring commissioned for her but he knew Bella, knew how much she liked vintage jewellery and how much she'd admired his mother for confronting Carlisle the way she had, for being so brave and selfless, asking for her son's life and not her own.

He stopped pacing as he heard her make her way from the bathroom to their bedroom.

His gaze moved to the mantle above the fireplace, to the picture of the two of them there. Alice had taken it on Bella's birthday and it made him calm immediately. Bella was sitting in Edward's lap, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, their eyes locked as they'd whispered to one another, smiles on their faces.

It was obvious they were in love. It was written all over the both of them.

Edward took a deep breath and smiled.

 _Meant to be_ , she'd told him one afternoon as they'd lounged in the meadow, reading side by side, stopping to share a passage here and there. _She had dropped her book after a while and had turned to her side, propping herself up on an elbow to smile at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "What?" he'd asked her, dropping his book and moving to cup her face. She'd grinned in response. "I don't think there was ever going to be a version of me that didn't love you, Edward Cullen. We're meant to be."_

He believed that with every fibre of his being.

"Edward?" her voice called to him from the foot of the stairs. He turned with a smile and froze.

"Bella," he breathed, his eyes wide as he took her in.

Her hair fell freely around her shoulders, the ends still slightly damp and curling over her breasts, the stiffened peaks making themselves known through the thin, cream satin of her nightgown covering them. A nightgown that he'd never seen before fell to her calves and hugged her breasts and hips, the cream colour making her hair stand out and her skin appear almost luminescent.

"Merry Christmas, Edward," she whispered as she moved across the room, far more graceful than she could probably ever imagined and stopped two feet away from him, raising her arm to offer him her hand.

He took it, words failing him as she led him to their makeshift bed.

* * *

Bella's heart raced as she lowered herself onto the cushions and blankets she'd arranged, her eyes locked onto his as he lowered himself next to her.

He said nothing as his gaze moved from hers to her attire, lifting a hand to run his fingertips from her chest to her knees, the satin of her nightgown making it easy.

"Lift it," she whispered when his hand met the hem and his eyes moved back up to hers, questions shining from them. "Lift it," she repeated softly.

She watched, her heart racing as he pulled the hem up slowly, his body moving so that he could press his lips to her skin as he exposed it to the fire-heated air. Her breath caught as she raised her hips to help him pull the material over the tiny cream satin underwear that she'd purchased with the nightgown.

A small moan left her as his lips pressed against the little bow that decorated them.

She smiled as she watched him pull the nightgown higher, watched him finally expose the tattoo on her left hip.

"Bella," he breathed as his eyes took in the words she'd had inked into her skin, the black, curling script stark against her pale skin.

 _"_ _Whatever our souls are made of,_

 _his and mine are the same."_

Slowly, his fingers moved to stroke the words, tracing the letters and it was minutes before he lifted his eyes back to hers and she knew that if they were capable of it, they would have been shining with tears.

"Nothing," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Nothing had ever been as beautiful to me as you are, Bella."

Her heart raced in response and she smiled at him, her eyes filling with tears.

"I love you," she whispered, cupping his face with her hand.

"I love you, too," he replied, moving up to kiss her.

They were both grinning when he pulled away, resting his forehead against her own for a minute.

He lifted left hand to hers then and she spread her fingers apart, anticipating his sliding in to fill those spaces but he didn't move to hold her hand.

Instead, she felt cool metal against her skin as he slid a ring on a finger. _That_ _finger_ , she realised a moment later.

"Marry me, Bella," he whispered, pressing kisses to her mouth, nose, forehead and cheeks. "Marry me, marry me," he whispered between each kiss.

She lifted her hands to cup his face, stilling his movements and without even glancing at the ring, she spoke. "Yes."

"Yes?" he asked, a smile transforming his face in such a way it made her heart stutter.

"Yes," she replied, tears spilling from the corners of her eyes to fall into her hair. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He laughed then, a joyous laugh that prompted their own and then he was moving, sitting up and pulling her with him, her legs falling to straddle his lap. He kissed her and more tears fell from her eyes, her heart singing with joy. "You're going to marry me," he whispered, his voice of wonder as he pressed his forehead against his own.

"You're going to be my husband," she replied, full of joy and disbelief. He was going to be hers in every way, humanly and vampire.

"You're going to be my wife," he said, his tone full of masculine pride that brought their position to her attention.

"You're mine," she told him, her voice full of possession and heat as she ran her fingers through his hair, moving her hips against the hardness she felt growing beneath her.

"And you're mine," he responded, moving his hands to her nightgown, bunched around her hips and he lifted it off of her.

She watched him swallow with no small amount of satisfaction as he took in the sight of her naked breasts, having never gotten used to the feeling of power his reaction to her naked body gave her.

She moved her hands to rid him of his shirt next, smiling as she ran her hand over his chest, loving the feel of his skin beneath her hands when her ring caught her attention and her hands stopped moving.

It was a style that hadn't seen a lot of attention in years, with a plain white gold band upon which sat an oval of more of the same, an oval that was covered in tiny, clear diamonds. She moved her hand and they sparkled, the fire blazing in their reflection and Bella felt a tear fall from the corner of her eye. On a sunny day, she knew it would send out tiny rainbows of light around a room, like Edward.

"It was my mother's," Edward told her and she moved her gaze up to his.

"It's perfect," she told him honestly, moving to press her lips to his before pulling away. " _You're_ perfect."

He grinned at her, manoeuvring them so that her back was once more against the blankets and there he kissed her while he removed the remainder of his clothing, teasing her before he finally removed her damp underwear, the last barrier between them.

He moved his body down then and with a skill he'd perfected over the past few months, he pressed his mouth against her until she was writhing beneath his movements, crying out his name with her hand in his hair as she rode out her orgasm. She almost screamed his name with the one he drew from her body soon after the first.

"Beautiful," he whispered as he pushed himself up to watch her. "So beautiful."

She smiled up at him then, her body still shaking, lifting her left hand to flash her ring at him. "And yours."

His heart threatened to beat at the sight of his ring on her finger and he smiled back at her.

"Make love to me, Edward," she whispered.

"Yes," he whispered back, full of awe and determination.

She watched with wonder as her fiancée kissed his way up her body, teasing her with every press of his lips and flick of his tongue before they finally fell on hers, lips she knew would be swollen for at least a day after tonight.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he requested, his voice and gaze impossibly soft as he held himself over her, his length pressing against her for the very first time.

"I will," she promised, knowing that he meant more than that first virginal pain.

"I love you," he whispered against her mouth, reaching down and lining himself up against her.

"I love you, too," she replied as he pushed himself inside of her.

It did hurt, that initial thrust and she breathed unsteadily as he held himself still inside of her, waiting for the pain to be over. It wasn't long before the cold temperature of his skin soothed the burn and she whispered that it was okay for him to move again against his mouth.

She gasped at that second thrust of his hips, the feeling of being full satisfying a craving she hadn't really known until then that she'd had.

He kissed her as he thrust his hard length into her, meeting places she hadn't known had existed until that moment, places that made her rip her mouth from his and moan his name.

She hadn't known until then, what she'd been missing out on.

And she loved it.

Loved him.

Loved the way they fit together, the way he paid attention to the angles that made her cry out, to the power behind a thrust that made her back arch.

But more than anything, she loved the way he whispered her name as he shuddered through his orgasm, her name like a prayer.

"Meant to be," he whispered against her lips a minute later.

"Meant to be," she echoed in response, believing it with everything she was.


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

 **JUNE (Six Months Later)**

 _Bella,_

 _You told me to write, when it was time. To fill the last pages of this journal with memories so that you could read them when you woke up._

 _You are days into the change now and it's hard to stop looking at you to write this, to make sure that everything is going to be okay; that_ _you're_ _going to be okay._

 _It wasn't supposed to happen like this._

 _We were still supposed to have time together while you were human. You were still supposed to have time to say goodbye to everyone we'd have to leave behind for those first few years, supposed to have time to see the world through your human eyes._

 _I'm so sorry. We planned and planned but we never could have predicted this._

 _You're so still right now, so quiet and I know you're doing that for me, not letting me see the burning pain you're going through._

 _Even when we met that very first day in the hospital, you were so strong._

 _You took my breath away that day and I've told you that but I'm not sure you understand how much that meeting changed me, how it woke up that last piece of my heart that remained dormant after I was turned._

 _I saw you sitting on that hospital bed and everything changed._

 _My second thought of you was that I hated you; for existing, for tempting me so. With your blood and your fragility._

 _My_ _first_ _thought was that I wanted to comfort you._

 _I could tell you were in pain, I could see your arm and the tension in your face but you didn't cry, not until that insolent nurse left, until I let myself be kind to you._

 _Being unkind to you is what I regret most about those first few times we saw one another, it's something I regret most of all the crimes I've committed in this existence. Seeing your face that day in the meadow – I was so glad that you were angry at me, Bella – I deserved it and far more for the way I treated you, especially after that day._

 _I didn't realise until hours later, when I still stood in the spot that you'd left me in, that up until the night you said you'd marry me, that it was the best day of my existence._

 _Seeing you, your passion when you spoke about the people you loved, the books you loved…I always thought you were beautiful but seeing you like that, Bella, you made my cold, dead heart almost beat again._

 _We spoke and laughed, and I couldn't believe how much we had in common, I couldn't believe how I could talk to you for hours and hours and not run out of things to say._

 _And then I ruined that day. Out of fear mostly; I was frightened of how much I wanted your blood, but it terrified me how much I wanted to know_ _you_ _._

 _I should have left you alone then, I'd already done enough damage. But you'd planted a seed in my chest that first day and it grew bigger and bigger every second I was in your presence after that. It's all encompassing now, there's nowhere I look without seeing you and our bond._

 _I followed you into Newton's, watched you fall in love with those purple hiking boots and then I had to watch your face fall as you put them back. I bought them as soon as you left the store, I wanted to make you smile again, to make you hate me just a little less._

 _You wore those boots to our wedding. When I looked down at our hands and saw them peeking out from beneath your dress, I'd never laughed so hard. I kissed you then, before we'd even said our vows and watching your face afterwards, watching you smile at me like I was some kind of miracle, almost brought me to my knees._

 _Because you're the miracle, Bella._

 _You made me learn how to be a man again, that night in Port Angeles and finally push aside the vampire. I'd never wanted so badly to take the lives of anyone but the men who attacked you, who made you tremble and cry in my arms; I wanted to destroy them. I wanted them to feel pain they never could have imagined but seeing you standing there, looking so frightened, stopped me in my tracks._

 _I held you in my arms that night and I shouldn't have been shocked at how perfectly you fit in them, but I was. It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly we fit together, how deeply it satisfies me every time you step into my arms and your head rests exactly over my heart._

 _I knew I was falling in love with you, that night in my car, when you told me about Chicago, about how much you'd been through. I fell in love with your strength in that car._

 _I fell in love with every other little part of you each night when we talked on the phone afterwards._

 _And somehow, by some miracle, you fell in love with me too. Even after you realised what I was, you still loved me. It took me too long to understand that you didn't see me as a vampire but as a man. You saw me as all that I am; a son, a brother, a doctor_ _and_ _a vampire. You see myself and my family through our choices, rather than our state of being and I hope, when you wake up, you see yourself in the same light._

 _Pushing you away after you told me you knew what I was was my last defence against you._

 _I hated myself for it then and I feel the same way now. How could I have wasted that time with you? I hope I've proved to you in the time since that it was me with the problems and fears and not you._

 _"_ _I think I could make you happy," you told me, and I was frightened of you, of how you made me feel and I was so sure I was destined for an eternity of misery that I almost created one for myself._

 _You kissed me afterwards. The first time anyone had done so in this existence and Bella, nothing has ever felt more like home to me than that first kiss you gave did. Nothing had ever tasted so sweet._

 _You were it, I knew it then._

 _And when I was finally done trying to fight the pull of you, you were there. You let me back in and it brings me to my knees at the faith you had in me, the faith you have in us._

 _I knew it would be the last time you'd let me in and I wasn't going to mess it up, not for anything._

 _My greatest fear from then on was losing you. Because when I finally had you, Bella, you were everything I ever could have wished for, more than I could have dreamed._

 _You made me believe in truly living again, in embracing the life I have and when you wake up, love, I cannot wait to live that life with you._

 _Forever._

 _I only wish it hadn't been so soon._

 _You agreed to marry me on Christmas, at midnight in front of a fire and beneath the glow of the lights on the tree. We made love for the first time that same night. It's been months since then but even now I can't find the words to tell you what that night meant to me, what your tattoo and your yes and your body meant to me. I hope, with eternity before us, that I might be able to someday express how I feel about it, but I doubt, with a memory that ever fades, that I will ever be able to do it justice._

 _On New Year's Eve, we rang in the new year on a blanket in a field outside of Forks, beneath a sky filled with fireworks Emmett (of course) made himself. You turned to me, a second into the new year and told me about your wish from the year earlier. Your wish for me, for happiness. You told me you couldn't believe how lucky you were, how you'd never thought you'd ever be so happy. If I could have married you right in those moments, I would have._

 _We were married in February, on a Saturday at twilight. There was fresh snow on the ground and my sisters and mother had somehow procured every set of white Christmas lights in the country and made a curtain of them, right against the tree line in their back yard. Your father walked you down the makeshift aisle Alice layered with the petals of every red rose between Forks and Port Angeles. She was angry that we'd given her only a day notice, shocked that we made the decision so quickly._

 _You had woken up the morning before, smiling at me. "What is it?" I asked you as you blinked sleep away, pushing your body further into mine, nuzzling against my chest. "I had a dream that we were already married. I liked it," you whispered, like you were telling me a secret. I kissed you and pulled back. "Then let's get married," I told you, grinning._

 _I would have married you the day after I asked you if I could have._

 _"_ _Let's get married," you agreed and then we kissed, and kissed a lot more. We were nearly late for work that day._

 _Seeing you coming down the aisle, smiling at me with tears in your eyes, in that white dress; Bella I can't even begin to try to tell you how beautiful you looked. You looked like every wish and hope and dream I've ever had come to life._

 _We flew your mother and Phil in Saturday morning and she and your father cried as we said our vows, so happy to see you happy. The first time we kissed as husband and wife, it felt like paradise. It has every time since then, too._

 _We celebrated with our families and even Sue finally understood, seeing us both so happy, that we belonged together._

 _Afterwards, I took you home and we made love on a makeshift bed on our living room floor. You slept in my arms and I didn't take my eyes off of you the entire night, scared that if I looked away, I might find that everything in the past year had been some sort of dream._

 _In the months after we got married, we planned._

 _We gave notices at our jobs and dotted destinations on maps. We booked hotels and bought cameras and planned to make the most out of your final months._

 _You visited your mother and she told you that she was happy for us, happy that you were finally living, and she said to do whatever you could to hold onto that happiness. We still don't know exactly how much she knows but it's enough that we don't have to keep everything from her, that she knows you'll be different but the same._

 _Everything was lining up perfectly, until two days ago._

 _Alice didn't you see until it was too late, until you were already walking into the woods after Shelly Cope's missing dog, your phone too far away for you to hear._

 _Rosalie was the closest to you, but she still didn't manage to get there before the mountain lion did. It was injured and starving and when you walked into the forest, it found you, attacked you._

 _You were dying when she found you and you knew it, but she showed me everything, Bella. She showed me her memories of you lying there, bleeding out over the forest floor and telling her that she didn't have to do it, that she didn't have to turn you. You told her that it was okay, that you understood if she couldn't do it._

 _You were dying and even then, you put my sister before yourself. I'm so angry at you for that, for almost robbing me of your existence but you wouldn't be you if you hadn't and I love you so much because of it._

 _She almost didn't turn you, she almost let you die until Emmett arrived. I saw in her memory how she looked up at him and she knew that she couldn't let me live without you, she wouldn't let me face this existence without the same gift she was given. She loved us more than her hatred of this existence and for the first time in her life, Rosalie bit a human._

 _And now you're lying in our bed, still, so still and your heart is still beating but it won't be much longer now. I can see your body changing and it excites me as much as I mourn the loss of your mortality._

 _You'll never sleep again, never eat but I can't wait to watch you run, to watch you realise your strength. I'm relieved I'll never have to watch you wake up another morning and clutch your aching wrist._

 _I can't wait for eternity, for every day I'll get to spend at your side._

 _I love you and will love you, forever._

 _All you have to do now is wake up, Bella._


	31. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Bella laughed as she followed Edward deep into the African forest. Even after five years in her new body, the thrill of being able to run freely never failed to fill her with joy. It never ceased to amaze her how unwaveringly strong her body was.

Her mate was faster than her now, but they'd both enjoyed that first year after her change, when she would make him chase her through forests, giving into their passion when she'd finally let him catch her. They hadn't been able to make love indoors for the first three years without breaking anything.

Tall trees older than the both of them flew past her as she pushed herself to run faster, daylight filtering through the dense canopy to land on hers and Edward's skin, sending rainbows of light dancing in all directions.

It had taken time, but they were finally on their honeymoon.

They'd spent three months on Isle Esme before taking off together to see the rest of the world, finding obscure, beautiful places to visit, sending postcards and small souvenirs to their families during the brief moments they spent in populated places.

 _Are we there yet?_ She called into his mind, a trick she'd learned she could do well into her second year, when she'd been flicking through the journal she'd kept in those final months of her being human. She'd read his entry over and over, wishing that, just once, she could him how much she loved him, let him see himself through her eyes.

She pictured herself pushing back the barrier and she'd watched as he'd looked up at her, eyes wide because for the first time since they'd met, Edward had read her mind.

It had taken years to master pulling back the shield to let him see her thoughts but now she could do it as she wished.

"Almost," she heard him reply and she grinned, wondering what wonder he'd planned for them to see that day.

He'd taken the first few days of her change hard, mourning those lost months they were supposed to have spent together without her having an overwhelming need to drink blood, but it hadn't taken him long to come around. He could see how much joy her new body brought her, to see that despite being robbed of time, she was happy.

They spent the first year in the Canadian wilderness, in a cabin the Cullens had owned since Emmett's change and the years following, in Alaska. Before they'd left to travel, they'd returned to the United States to see her parents, both of whom had greeted her with not even a sliver of fear and with all of the love she'd known from them throughout her human years.

The Cullens had visited often, having left Forks shortly after she and Edward, settling into Alaska for a prolonged stay, planning their next few moves in advance. She and Edward were to join them when they returned.

She smiled at the thought of being with the family once more and she knew her husband felt the same way.

She followed as Edward led her from the dense forest cover, their skin shining as they moved their bodies up onto the treeless peak in the centre of the rainforest.

"Wow," Bella breathed as they stopped, clear blue skies framing the lush green that made her long for Forks. She'd seen so much beauty over the past few months but the feeling of awe when seeing something so untouched never failed to move her.

"Just wait," Edward said, moving to wrap his arms around her middle, resting his cheek on the top of her head. _Home_ , her body called to her every time she was in his arms.

They waited, and she watched in awe as slowly, one by one, butterflies emerged from the cover of the forest, climbing to the mountain they stood on, fill the air surrounding her and Edward.

"What is this?" she asked, lifting a finger to brush the wings of a butterfly dancing in front of them.

"The Butterfly Ball," he told her, moving to stand at her side, to watch her reaction to the beauty surrounding them. "They're looking for a mate."

"Oh," she whispered, a smile making its way onto her face as she lifted her arms and twirled around, hundreds of butterflies twirling around her.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he asked her, and she stopped twirling, knowing that he wasn't talking about the butterflies, that he was talking about their life and everything that led them to being on top of that mountain.

"It is, Edward," she replied, moving into his arms, where she fit so perfectly, leaning up to press her lips against his. "It's everything I wished for."

 **\- THE END -**

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 **Thank you to everyone who followed this story over the past 11 months. Your readership and kindness kept me writing. I hope this ending makes you as happy as it made me.**

 **There will probably be some outtakes in the future, so follow if you don't want to miss them.**

 **You can find me on Instagram at sharnisreading.**


	32. Outtake: Rosalie

**A/N: hey everyone, in honour of Saudade being nominated by TwiFanfictionRecs for their top 10 completed stories of November, here's an outtake for you. Head over there if you'd like to vote for this baby: www . twifanfictionrecs . com (remove the spaces).**

 **TwiFanfictionRecs is my favourite fic pimp site for twilight fanfic and if you haven't already checked it out, you definitely should. They have so many categories and genres and so so many good suggestions.**

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 **OUTTAKE:** ROSALIE

Rosalie was reading when Alice called, a romance novel she never would have dared read while Edward was living in the house, for risk of him blasting his music whenever the heroine would inevitably give in to the hero, making wild and passionate love to drown out her mental picture of the event. She had a _very_ good imagination.

She sighed and picked the phone up, not even get the chance to speak before her sister's frantic voice is in her ear. "Rose, you have to get to Bella. You have to get to her now. She's in the woods behind their house, there's a mountain lion-"

"I'm running now, Alice," Rosalie said before dropping her phone on hers and Emmett's bedroom floor, not even stopping to end the call. She leapt out of the bedroom window a second later, anxiety already clawing at her chest.

Trees flew past as she pushed herself faster, wishing that she had the speed of her youngest and eldest brother.

Edward.

His name flashed through her mind over and over as she closed the distance between herself and the woman he loved, the woman who had brought him to life.

 _Edward, Edward, Edward._

Even she had had to admit that over the past months, she had started to believe in their plan. She'd seen the way they'd watched one another, how, they gravitated towards one another in the way that mates do.

And over the past few months, Bella had become a friend.

They had bonded at Christmas time, over their love of romance novels. Bella had complained that she was in the middle of a reading slump and Rosalie had given her a list of suggestions. When Edward had scoffed and rolled his eyes at them, Bella had raised her eyebrows before she'd told him, with a completely straight face, that he owed a lot to those kinds of books.

He'd looked at her for a long second, hunger flashing across his face before he'd swept his fiancé up in his arms and spirited her far enough away for the rest of them not to hear.

They didn't even bother to hide their smiles when they'd gotten back.

"Not bad, Swan," Rosalie had said, a smirk on her face. "Even if it is with my brother."

Edward had thrown a book at her head, but she snapped it out of the air before it could hit its mark, throwing it back at him.

He caught it with a grin and that was when she really noticed how much Edward had changed, how often he'd smiled since he'd found Bella, know she'd heard him laugh more in a week than almost an entire century.

His grin had turned into a soft smile as he'd read her thoughts and he said nothing but later that night, when he and Bella had left for their home, he'd wrapped her in a tight hug before leaving.

He'd hugged her only once before, when she'd been in a panic over Emmett's body as he changed, holding her until she'd calmed down enough to really look at her future husband's body, to see his wounds were disappearing, to hear his heart continue to beat.

Emmett, the name flashed through her mind too as she finally found Bella, her sister in law's shoulder between the jaws of a mountain lion, the smell of blood permeating the air. She held her breath and pounced, ripping the predator away, its body landing fatally against a fallen tree, the light in its eyes gone in a moment.

"Bella," Rosalie breathed as she hunched over Bella's broken body, her clothes torn and covered in blood, her heart weakening with each passing beat.

"Rose," Bella whispered, blood on her mouth, her dark eyes boring into Rosalie's own golden ones. She didn't breathe for fear of hurting her more, of killing her.

"Bella, I don't know if I can-" she started but was cut off.

"You don't have to, it's okay. I-I know you wouldn't have…chosen…this," Bella croaked out, weakening with each word.

Rosalie stilled in the way only vampires could. She couldn't believe it, that Bella was giving her the choice; the one she herself hadn't gotten.

"Tell Edward-" Bella started but couldn't finished, her eyes closing, her heart beat stuttering.

"No, Bella, no," Rosalie whimpered, torn, so _completely_ torn.

She never would have chosen this for herself, would never have willingly given up growing old, having children with a man she loved, of leaving behind a legacy of warmth and love for her children's children.

"Rosie," Emmett said then, yards away, his body stiff from his lack of breathing. He wouldn't come closer for fear of quickening Bella's death.

"Em," she whispered back, her voice tortured. She'd be crying if she were human, her brother's wife dying in her arms.

She looked at her husband then, her best friend. The man who had made this changeless existence worth living. She loved him, with everything that she was. With every fibre of her being.

When she'd met Emmett, she'd mourned impossibly deeper for the life she'd lost, because in every day dream she ever had about porch swings and grey hair, she'd pictured him by her side. He was perfect for her, bringing back to life the side of her that took risks and laughed, the side she'd thought had died with her dreams that night as she'd lay writhing on Carlisle's kitchen table, fire in her veins.

If she hadn't found Emmett, she'd have set herself on fire decades before. But she _had_ found him, and she looked forward to spending eternity with him by her side, making the most of their existence.

And she knew Edward felt the same about Bella, knew that he would never recover from the loss. She wouldn't be the one to sentence Edward to eternity without happiness, without the joy every member of their family shared with their mates.

She whispered a soft sorry to Bella and then she leaned down and sank her teeth into her sister's neck.

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Later that night, as they listened to their brother pace at his wife's side as Rosalie's venom changed her body, Rosalie and Emmett lay wrapped up in one another on their bed, fully clothed.

"I wasn't sure you would do it," Emmett whispered, his hand stroking her hair, his eyes on hers.

"I nearly didn't," she replied, being honest with him, a hand resting over his un-beating heart.

"Why did you?" he asked, softly. As large as he was, as rough as they could be making love, Emmett was never anything but gentle with her, had never let her doubt his love for her, his devotion. It was the truest thing she'd ever known, in either existence.

"This," she told him, pressing her hand gently into his chest. "He deserves this, they both do."

She felt her mate release a sigh, love in his eyes as he leaned down to capture her mouth with his own. He was smiling softly at her when he pulled back.

"Em, I want you to know that if tomorrow, I found away to turn back, to be human, I wouldn't do it you couldn't be with me. I want children, I will always want them but not if it meant that I wouldn't have you. In every dream I have about having a family, you're the one sitting at the head of the table, the one holding my hand and I hope – I _hope_ \- that you know that," she whispered to him, pressing her face into the soft skin at his neck.

"Rose," her name was strangled as it left his mouth and she stiffened as she realised he didn't know that, that she wanted him above all else.

"I love you," she said softly. "So much."

He pulled back so that they were looking at one another, gold eyes connecting.

"Would you marry me again, baby?" he asked, eyes dancing with happiness and tears he could never shed.

"Again and again and again," she replied, leaning up to kiss him, her soul mate, her greatest dream.

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 **A/N 2: Also thanks to the instagram page twifanfictionrec for recommending this fic!**


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